herlucidlife

Hello Naje here…

I’ve noticed recently, meaning in the last year or two, that I talk very mean to myself. I call it tough love or being real with myself no sugar, but what if that’s just an excuse when in fact I’m using myself as an outlet for anger.

Using myself as a punching bag because I wouldn’t dare take my anger out on someone else, so why do it to myself? As if my mental is strong enough to take it. Cues in my mind are showing that I’m breaking down, my hard stonewall inner self is cracking, hurts knowing it’s from my own damage. I know God works every nook and cranny into my good, my benefit. That doesn’t mean that talking to myself this way is okay just because God will work it out. I want to learn to talk to myself in a loving way that breeds, love for myself, a yearning to do better for myself , and a yearning to know God deeper. He tells me who I am, my identity is in His face. 

No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

No foul language is to come from your mouth. I learned to love myself as a single woman, when I got married I stopped recognizing myself. New sins came up, new battles arose and I lost confidence in who I was. I’ve forgotten who I belong too, I’ve forgotten how to love me, so how can I speak kindly to someone that I have little love for ? Treating myself like an outcast, I shun God’s love from myself. God speaks to me with kindness breathing life into me, He has called me to speak life into others and myself, yet some where along the way I stopped speaking to myself with kindness. Foul language is not limited to curse words but simply words that are used to tear down. 

I move differently now and that’s okay, I’m made to adjust and shift in every aspect of life but the core of who I am should remain. In order to get that love back, I need to come closer to God. I need to allow God to love on me more and grow deeper in knowledge about His character. When I learn more about God, He reflects how He wants me to treat myself. He instructs us how to speak, how to treat others with genuine intention, I need to apply this thought process to myself.   

But only what is good for building up someone in need. I’m in need of self-love, I’m in need of kindness spoken to me by me. We are all in need of something. Something in me has morphed into a self-sabotaging person who continues to hurt self. The wounds in my heart are deep and when spoken to recklessly those wounds begin to bleed. God understands that words have power, His words speak power over my life, yet the words I speak push against God’s goodness. 

I hurt God’s feelings when I speak hurt over myself. Though the scripture is referring to talking to someone else, what about when I talk to others better than I do myself ? God wants me to think highly of myself because He created me with beauty inside. Not only am I showing God that there is hurt in my heart, also the result of that hurt is showing too; the discontent, ungratefulness, unappreciation, and ultimately complaining. I must address the hurt rather than compiling the negative results. 

God is naturally a Father at heart. He has always been a Father, so His love is nurturing and tender. Never loving to persuade but loving to love. His very nature is  LOVE. His teachings share how to care for those in need, meaning it even shares how to care for oneself. Deepening my relationship with God will help the self loathing thoughts in my head and I will absorb His teachings. Kind words always, I can be intentional with myself without tearing down my self-esteem. Doing activities that alleviate any anger I have towards myself, meaning create from a place of vulnerability. God hides in the depths of transparency, He doesn’t want a façade, rather He wants every messy cry every bad thought. His love is bigger than all of my emotions and feelings, He wants to carry the burden, so let me give that burden to Him through creativity. He sees my beauty in my ugly. 

So that it gives grace to those who hear. Moving close to God in the midst of hurting is the only path I’m willing to take. Allowing grace to flow from God to myself is the best medicine. My lack doesn’t mean God can’t use me, it just means that I must be careful to not be a stumbling block for those around me. My harmful self-talk doesn’t effect just me. Thankfully, the growth and healing God’s put into my life can help those around me, but what’s even better is that even in the midst of hurt God is still using me to give this message to you. 

Love yourself good and hard because God loves you the same way.

It is my prayer that we both be healed by the medicine of knowing God our Father. Let Him be your Father, He’s so good at it and never fails.

*The questions below are for your personal journaling. I pray God leads you to His heart.

Discussion Questions:

1. Describe a time in your life when you spoke unkindly to yourself. What emotions did you feel ? 

2. Describe the reasons you talk to yourself unkindly. What do these reasons have in common ? Do you see God’s love in these reasons ? 

3.Through God’s love, how has the way you talk to yourself changed ? What has God revealed to you through His grace ? If no change, what has kept you from being intentional with your words ?