herlucidlife

September 1st was the beginning of a new road for her, she was scared and nervous. Recently she went through a very big change in life. It’s not something to be proud of, but she accepts it. Lying to herself should’ve never been an option, made it easier to lie to those around her. Down playing her gut feelings, her intuition would not rest. As the days kept ticking, she grew restless knowing what needed to be done, her heart sank.

Lies hurt someone nearer than union. He was waiting for her to share the truth until then they both hurt. She messed up. She lied. God says not to walk by fear, but she did. Fear kept her from exposing the heart. She had no faith in God’s direction. Navigating inward towards home, the truth is setting her free. Now comes the hard part. She’s not proud, shame, embarrassment, a sense of loneliness has begun to set in. Having trouble even looking in God’s direction. She hopes God covers the person hurt by her lies. 

Her body felt weightless, eyes low from the smoke session they had that morning. Replaying the scene in her head, she told him, “I love someone else”. Initially freedom came, to be truthful was something of the past for her. It felt good being honest with him, and herself. The sword was double edged with embarrassment. She felt stupid for allowing her emotions to wreck something that could’ve been beautiful. Hurting him, because she wasn’t honest when she should’ve been years ago. She’s not her emotions but she didn’t care when needed. Recklessly, she thought the emotions would fade. 

Some say we shouldn’t allow emotions and feelings to have authority, on the other hand she believes emotions and feelings are a warning for when things are off. They should be taken seriously, heeding their warning can be the best policy. Neglected emotions, led to temptation and sin, consequences sealed the deal, hurt that surpassed self. Never thought someone would get caught in the cross hairs. Coping through inhalation, tears are her closes comfort.

Lies stole priceless possessions of the heart. She preached the word of God, while she reached for lies as a security blanket. She preached trusting in God, while she ran to disobedience for solutions. She lied about who her heart belonged to; it didn’t belong to her beloved, it didn’t belong to herself, it didn’t belong to God either.

No excuses, her biggest regret is hurting someone she loved. There’s no stain remover for hurting someone, she simply has to accept and grow from the hurt, so she doesn’t hurt anyone else, including herself.