herlucidlife

She thought forgiveness had begun, until something else came up that would shake her core. She was rushing to move forward but her course of action was incorrect, regrouping Satan was telling her stories. Unknowingly and knowingly, she had bought into his lies many times before, her mind was his playground. The very things that scared her were from God, the things she felt comfortable with were from satan; she sees it so clearly now.

Running from what scared her, led her into the arms of the enemy.  Mm she was tricked. She wanted to be more needed but in truth he had moved on learning how to live without, there was really no need for her presence. Karma hit quickly in the heart, she didn’t want him, but he didn’t want her. She wanted to force her way into his heart, when she needed a shoulder the most he went dark. Assuming the worst, putting the blame on herself she decided to step back. 

Her trauma hurt others. Trauma made her sensitive, her feelings got hurt easily, naturally she took the blame. She had already been honest there was really nothing more that could be done, anything else would’ve been salt in the wounds. Infatuated, her emotions scared her, she really just wanted them to disappear. Why did she care so much?  Was this deep love or a sick mind game curated by Satan? God is still revealing the results.  

She had been fully honest with all parties involved. Feeling alone gave her the strength to reach out to her community. Though this person didn’t love her the way she felt needed, God showed her that many people did love her, and looked forward to her well being. She had to let those feelings go, giving her emotions and feelings respect by keeping them safe, only allowing access to those she truly trusted, he was nearing the bottom of the list. It hurt that he was no longer trustworthy, but she had hurt him long ago so she was no longer trustworthy in his eyes either. 

Her soul quailed at how simple it was to move on from her union. Mentally and emotionally she had exited the relationship many moons ago, yet she may never fully forgive herself for the devastation that was caused by her hands. Paperwork was a formality, at best though painful looking back it was long overdue. She no longer wanted to obsess over the love lost on both sides, it was time to focus on God and her, she had a lot of work to do. 

Exploration set her free, opening her mind it changed her behavior. Doing things she was scared of gave her a new found sense of honesty, she wanted to be vulnerable, that’s when she felt the most strong.  Tired of hiding, she didn’t want to be seen, rather she wanted to speak freely and openly with conviction from the heart. She had a lot to say. Though she lost her best friend and was unsure about a dear friend, starting over was lonely but somehow that loneliness felt freeing and good. 

She was finally reuniting with her oldest treasured friend, herself.