herlucidlife

I’m glad you couldn’t be here, you weren’t supposed to be here. Solitude from the world is what I needed, it’s what I’ve received. Putt-putting down the highway I felt my shoulders become looser and freer. Closer to my serenity nothing was holding me back from enjoying this time, a dream came true for me. A daydream of a trip I take alone, the lechery in my flesh wanted to add another but fortunately, reality doesn’t play fair. 

Alone doesn’t have to feel lonely or depressing, recharging for life ahead being in one’s own thoughts, life begins to feel not so big. Drifting gapingly out the window her soul can only imagine the goodness God has bestowed on this green earth. So much detail He put into every tree, every human, her troubles and worries seem small compared to the design of His paintbrush. 

Air so full of joy left her body, she couldn’t contain the peace that leapt out of her soul, she felt home. This place among the trees, bringing her back to center, back to focus, she feels relieved to be in their depth. They whisper God’s goodness as the wind lightly passes by. No leaf like the other they mimic the love God put into every creation. 

She was supposed to be cutting out the world, blocking out distraction and she was doing good until she saw warnings. Honestly, she’s pretty easy to trip up because she wants to be tripped up, she wants to play a victim. That sounds harsh but she knows herself, she doesn’t want to be seen as the bad person when honestly she can be shiesty sometimes. Not intentionally but any action committed in fear will do everyone included harm. 

I don’t know how to feel right now, I shouldn’t have looked at the blower. Things I didn’t need to see were there. Peace of mind is something that can easily feel “had” or “lost” all in an instant, it makes you question if you ever really had it and if you could have it, could you keep it ? Thinking I had found some kind of peace, pieces of earth began to drop back into place, letting me know that I’m on soil, not alone. 

Behooving how something that I thought was docile could actually come back to breath and then voice their presence. I don’t believe that creation plays tricks but failing tests occurs often. Hiatus from living beings she was caught in a web of her own emotions hovering above ground she could see it all so clearly. Yet the mind doesn’t stay clear for long. 

I never really let an admirer go, I hold them in my heart until time can’t remember how they made me feel. Like can you ever be chummy with someone when the emotional line has already gone past that ? Yet as the years fade on, I find that my heart likes to rerun the old, evil has learned my patterns and now he keeps up making sure the old is brought back.