herlucidlife

I can see time literally taking away the wounds that once kept me stagnant. Bound to the ground progression seemed nonexistent. Perhaps I needed to be who I didn’t want to be to obtain the person I needed to be. Your love won’t hold me down, it won’t keep me buried in grief or guilt, you gave me exactly what I needed to further my curing. You didn’t have to be so gracious, to take time out of your life to entertain my presence. 

You told me every single thing I needed to hear to let you go, you committed every act to make sure you could never live up to the empty promises being shared. You promised me the same things she received, never receiving a return on my investment, I guess I’ll have to be okay with your, “deepest love.” Grateful for having seen you, the thought of you is starting to lighten.

Being One, it’s really unsanitary that we even looked at each other in such salacious ways. Losing my appetite, the stomach is turning at the irresponsibility of our actions. But since you’re back to no longer being a factor we can move on. Now, you may be thinking this Christian girl has gone shovel and I agree, absurd but when I sin I hide from God. I don’t read my bible, I don’t worship, and I begin loosening the boundaries of my flesh. I haven’t felt grounded in a long time, yet I don’t feel lost. 

But somehow you were able to sneak off with a piece of my heart. I wonder if having my heart is really even all that special. Though not loyal to one, she’s always been loyal to the top three. The never forever love, the friend that was never an option, always a rebound, and the fun time that always finds me, never mentioned the lover that went burnout to wed. Was never good at letting them go, my love doesn’t feel special but worn and ragged. Attention, notice, being looked at with wanting, something I looked for and have tried to hoard. 

Boneheaded I had the love that looked at me with longing but I threw it away for “love” and a “feeling ?” Is regret beginning to set in or is it just the autumn air ?