herlucidlife

Feeling a lot yet nothing all at once, peace and worry, obsession and jump back live in the same body. All emotions are heightened and alerting all at once, all needing tending to. Genuinely, when I come home, take off the happy her, slide back down to the hole that holds comfort; I feel exhausted. Wrung dry, barren well, when I think about how my emotions seem to almost go cold; they mesh together to the point where happiness is sad, and anger is now gladness. 

You may be thinking this girl is always having an off day, but nah, I’m simply expressing how the day created emotions that could have been catered to better. I’m grateful and no I won’t spend this post convincing you because gratitude is for me to enjoy and express and for you to experience. Gracious for you, living a dream on a four dollars and ninety-nine cents a month plan… He didn’t have to do it for me but He did, my God.

Perhaps a little convinced, I don’t have the strength to reach out. Saying I don’t have the strength while still moving forward maybe that’s muscles ? Walking through quicksand I tell ya I will leave this place having done something more than sit on my bathroom floor blowing little traces of grass. I marvel at how beautiful this spot in life is, looking over the swing set I see so many pockets of wishes coming true. Optimistic willpower is my friend. 

Funny, my favorite parts of my body are the hands and feet, hands to create and feet to move. The hands are excited to mold but the feet are cold. Overthinking the details, intimidated by the road I don’t have on the right shoes, but I guess I can walk slowly on the side. I forgot how it felt to work for something, how it felt to achieve something, a goal. To cross a milestone, I’m at the age where things are coming to fruition, let’s keep that going.

Marveling at the trees, stopping to haze in the woods I smell the light aroma of not being in a rush but actively preparing for the place that has been set. My life is messy and simple and I love it, not taken for granted. I’ve seen that redirecting is the same as quitting in optimistic form. The progress I’ve made in life was obtained while living life. When focused on progression I seemed to move slower, maybe too much concentration can bring out the things that are missing and not the things that are being manifested. I learned that today in church. In small part I manifest everyday the life I want for the future, the progression is needed but the goal is the healthy embodiment of the life God has created for me. Walking in that everyday is the miracle, that’s the big event of life.