herlucidlife

I allowed a dream of you to steal the peace I’d found in real time. Unprepared for the subconscious visit, that’s the only time I get to hold you. Tired of expressing emotion towards you at this point any feeling is suffering. Needing to stop thinking about you if I go too far my body may begin to show signs of missing. At what point is my pain self- controlled or out of control ? I have no choice but to move through, this was just a pain pit stop. 

I’ve been in an unhealthy rut lately, sunkin to somber places weighted blanket of emotions, I just want to lay and inhale. Sleepy with melancholy, elevated with sadness until moody. Had a couple days vacation from you running track in my mind. Thought you got tired, guess you caught a second wind last night when you appeared in my hallucination. I look forward with all readiness for the next time our paths cross. Only visible inside my mind please be gracious enough to show up every night to ease the tension in my heart. 

At the place in love where absence and presence hold so much gravity it’s hell. Wanting to run to you I can’t so I sleep to see you there in the stars. Have you ever wanted to be suffocated by someone ? Whether it’s their presence, the smooth caress of their hand, or the sweet aroma their scent leaves in your nose, or the tender way their laugh heals those cracks in your heart…yes please come suffocate me up close and personal because from a far it feels like death. At what point do you love me enough to act the way I did for you ?

Words match but the actions are not on the same page and I can’t help you crawl out of something you wanted. Intuition is telling me that you’ll be inserting yourself into my life soon. Not waiting, but expecting your arrival because though you’ve made a decision your heart won’t let rest what it desires most, it’ll sniff until it can obtain. You’re trying to choke down what I had to throw up, it doesn’t work like that. Loving someone else doesn’t remove another’s love, rather that new person just gets hammy down love, really it’s disrespectful. Doesn’t that person deserve love that’s just for them ?

I loved you two weeks into knowing you. I wanted to be yours and you be mine forever but confusion gave way to clarity, and clarity led you down paths far from me. I didn’t like that time was trying to leave you out of my life, slowing the trajectory to possibly include you, was that stupid of me ? Serving us is serving me, so just maybe you’ll chip in one day. A simple rough patch, broken-heartedness running its course eventually it’ll smooth out. Not forcing the medicinal, I want to be complete.