herlucidlife

I may be overreacting but the amount at which I consume you is out of control. Manipulating the flow of my day, after every activity I want to rehash what happened. I ran out of you, thinking I could go about my day without feeling the absence, how did I let you into my life so tough you direct the way I move? How did this substance take me down? Feeling alone on this island I don’t know anyone else struggling with this in my circle, I may need to find my kindred spirits. I almost sat in there just to smell the way the room airs after you’ve gone. 

Just wanting to bask in the way you lift my spirits, my mind reels when I run away. Snatching my appetite for nutrition, will I ever be free from your shackles? Will I ever know life without you melting my mind oozing sludge? I looked through the remains to see if there was any residue but I’d made sure of that earlier. No I made sure to erase any trace of you, and what is left isn’t enough to suffice the urges. I’ll have to wait but by then I won’t want you and you’ll be old news, until my mind wonders if you still have the magic.

There’s no one else, just the material that hugs me so tight I feel the embrace of my forever lover from a distance. I can go without you, I can go without the thing that twisted my mind so silly I feel the effects in the body. Woozy, dizzy from consumption I feel lost the first few days without you near. Maybe I’m exaggerating but even mumbling the words, I know it’s a lie. Dependency is a mindset, leading the mind until the body is hooked as well. Devoted to the way you made me feel, I’m aware that my behavior has always had an obsessive quality that made me the perfect candidate for the cult you lead, stoned. 

Lack of self-control made it easy for you to win me over, didn’t have to do much but make me feel nothing that I couldn’t describe. Been on my doorstep for years, getting to know each other you became the matter that was permanent. Not human, manifested by God’s hands, your chemical makeup has evolved over time. No longer just tagging along sometimes it feels like you may be driving. You made sure I was able to escape whenever I wanted to, you made sure I couldn’t get passed tall without you. 

No pulse, no heartbeat yet you know exactly how to make my chest flutter. If I promise to have self-control can I add you back into my life? Will you promise to not take all the dominance for yourself? I need to be able to live my life while still inhaling the gray haze that eats away time and pain.