herlucidlife

I didn’t know that me being who I am made it easy for you to walk all over me. I accepted you but you didn’t want that. I caressed your emotions and ego when they were bruised but you didn’t want that. I tried to be in your corner even when I shouldn’t have been but you didn’t want that. You wanted nothing but the idea of me wanting you…but I was never the end goal. I hope your ego feels super juicy from all the attention it got over the years, it won’t get anymore. 

You killed it when your id became more important than the bond. Even if you do realize that one day I was some great person who really cared that you screwed over that doesn’t matter because I’ll still never feel the effects of your love on my heart. Your epiphany does nothing for my bruised soul. Your healing does nothing for the investment wasted, our time. I’m enraged, can you tell? Cutting you down won’t make me feel good, seeing you happy won’t make me smile, the only thing that would bring solace to this being is what I asked for, you’ll make sure you don’t deliver. 

Simple won’t make your difficult mind calm down. Spoken plainly any sign of goodness will be twisted for personal purpose. You played to watch but you’re the one that lost full view. Not caring, you played your own game all wrong since the end goal wasn’t me, you made sure to never have my attention again. One day you’ll swear up and down that you’re ready for the energy I was giving. One day you’ll swear on your mother that you always desired me. One day you’ll feel the absence of my aura.

One day doesn’t get me what I put work in for; no, one day gets me a slap in the face but I’ll be so far past your deceit whatever you say will be like vapor. You move as if I wanted the world from you, as if I was asking for your hand in forever land. No, simply wanting conversation, do you realize how important it is that I simply wanted to talk with you. Speech the gateway to emotions, the gateway to being vulnerable but you knew that so you shut down when it became clear the jig was up. You made me like you too much and now you’re scared of the energy you conjured up. 

I have so much empathetic sympathy for you because I see what you tried to do, I see how you shot yourself in the face. I understand that karma can be nasty and cold, she showed herself in you to me. I don’t look forward to your karma because it’ll have nothing to do with me but you’ll feel my presence there anyway. You’ll feel my aura the moment she walks in your life carrying feelings of anguish. No, I don’t wish this on you, what I wished on you was me but I’ll not be the target you reach for because you only want what you can’t have. 

What I wish for you is romantic rest, a love so purely seamless that it loves with ease. So sensually smooth that it’ll undo all your healing because what you built isn’t the real you anyway. No, this next love you experience will rip out any facade you thought was present leaving you bare dry, only then will you look at yourself and do the work needed to complete you.