herlucidlife

You’ve been on my mind all day, it’s not a fester but an overwhelming sadness. I wasn’t trying to be in your life simply for you but you had something I wanted as well, the exchange was supposed to be mutual. I miss you. Heart wrenching how lack of reciprocation doesn’t cut off the deep emotions I have. I wish it were as simple as “oh he doesn’t like me and then go blank.” Hating to admit that you left an impact though I’d hoped for a more pleasant outcome. 

You’re no different from all the other guys that sniff around after time away. Like vultures, predators always watch their prey with the utmost closeness. You’ll crane your neck in my direction, breaking your world to get in my eyeline. I’m sorry that I don’t see you anymore, I’m sorry that any noise or ruffle you may send out won’t be felt. No, I’ve changed course, my focal point is no longer your face. Though I told you in plain words you will also be shown in my action of neglect. 

Circling around the memory of you in my mind brings comfort for the first few days of purging. Pulling you out of my heart I can’t believe I let you dig so deep. Makes you think, if even the sacredness of friendship can be played, then no covenant is really safe from the wreckage of man. You play coy thinking you can dodge responsibility. You act clueless thinking that accountability will bounce off you like water on wax. Don’t believe that lie, for those that know you we see the havoc that has been attached to your being. I see every act that has your name on it, in plain sight you can’t hide the ugly. 

I see yours because I hold my own. I love you because I love my own baggage, we have some of the same issues. Talking in circles thinking in circles, am I the only one that speaks something into nothingness? Am I the only one that obsesses over a love lost? You the reader are my best friend that I vent to when that guy I really liked broke my heart without a care…but who cares he got his attention. 

I would’ve never done you this way and I never thought you would do me this way. I always thought you were genuine but people like you reinforce why I don’t put anything past anyone. We’re all capable of playing games but only a select few will actually screw over a friend to do it in the process.