herlucidlife

I need to exchange this heart and mind for a new one, they’ve been exposed to too much. Holding on only hurts me, I’ll grant you forgiveness and forgetfulness because I need freedom. Your chains won’t take anymore than what I’ve given…my whole world. Funny you don’t even see that I actually gave more than you could ever fathom, I gave more than you sacrificed for them. How you gone ask for a ritual but not want the offering? Guess the findings weren’t to your liking, but I suppose you just wanted the slaughter. It was impolite of me to think you were man enough for the offering too. My mistake, you didn’t request that. 

Coming around the bend I stopped adding you to my life a long time ago, I stopped adding you to scenarios that could come true. I no longer plan for you, no I plan for your exit now. I plan for how you’ll try to get my attention across the table from our friends but I won’t see you. I plan for how you’ll try to get our friends in on how you think I screwed you over. Don’t be too eager to tell lies behind my back. I’ve been ready to spazz and let it fly, my old age doesn’t care about your feelings anymore and trust I’ll hear what you said. 

Darkness will always be brought to light; they can’t live without the other. The truths you think hide will be brought forth, so rather than concealing, get in front of your own narrative, tell the story and then live in it. I speak from experience that fear is the best teacher. She taught me that she’ll hinder everyone in her path if followed too closely. Fear leads to enlightenment when let go of, fear leads to change when it guides you so far astray you have no choice but to throw in the towel. 

Letting go is not a skill I’ve mastered and I’m not sure it’s a skill humans possess. If everything is based on the passage of time, God controls time, so really I shouldn’t be focused on letting go or healing. I should be focused on doing, doing everything good thing that God lovingly commands. So hell bent on being better that we mess up any opportunity, we don’t know what we’re doing obviously. Attached at the hip for different reasons, we were helping now we hinder. Interesting how God can let something that isn’t wholesome be what is needed for the moment. Guess I don’t need you anymore, guess I shouldn’t fight the inevitable. I don’t think you were ever meant to stay, just passing through. Thank you for the much needed companionship.