herlucidlife

I don’t think it was polite to warn you as you may have tried to text back, I had already barricaded the entrances before sending the message. Making positive that you’ll not be popping up, yes you’ve been kept away from business outlets as well. Just a view and coin book away, you’ll fuel my dream rather than my anxiety. Chills shiver in the body, elation snuggled up to angst. I’m imagining your reaction but it’s really none of my livelihood. Honestly, twisted locs droopped across the forehead in an array of lengths aren’t really that spectacular. 

Ink pressed into the largest organism that holds me close, no it’ll wilt one day too, really it’s the knowing me that’s the most special. It’s the invisible that’s choked out from your presence. Too far to go back we have to separate, no reconciliation sometimes the road should end at forgiveness. Guilty, I promised to stay in your corner until I felt shoved out too many times, until I felt worn too many times used up. Yes, I lied I’m to blame I’ll not be at your side forever and the temporary is over. 

Stone. Some things come without an argument. Bleak. Some things only need a couple words. Frigid. Some things only need the correct phrase. Enough cold shoulders I finally got it, you’ll do when you find the one. I’m not her. Don’t fake, the little you had was brittle and even though it was all you had at the moment I thank you for the contribution to my well. Yours runneth-over too stingy to share, retreats have oasis’ for the eternally thirsty, the Holy Ghost is operating at hypersensitivity. 

No more crutches, just real. Entertainment had retired for the foreseeable future, lack of prospects had been a thing of the past this is a different feeling. Nostalgic, mommy I’m in the exact physical place you left me forever moments ago. Nervous, I’m taking the first couple steps toward intention. Not taken quickly, choices made with the heart had to be yanked out with surprise force even by my own standards. Unprepared for labor tonight, it came after a riotous mental night. 

Decisions were made in the late hours of the dark, emotions were high but clarity was fixed on the end goal. Intentional with whom I’m choosing to share life with, four people had to leave. Blood splattered on the floor, choosing me had always felt like death. Death to the relationships I held close to my heart. I’ll miss you the most, my used-to-be-unionized-together friend.

I’ll never know if my absence hinders your life, I’m praying I was able to slip out unnoticed. You were always noticed whether silent or vocal, I was waiting for you to be my friend but I guess that last bit of information you discovered made it difficult. No longer able to wait through the time you need to readjust my being in your mind because once again I showed I’m different then the perceptions you’d held.