herlucidlife

Loved being in your corner, accepting long ago that our union, even the companionship would come to an end. Holding on for your well being, didn’t realize how much I was holding on for my own. Crutched over, staying close thinking I was helping you out of loneliness, sympathetic to the cause I was only hurting you. Offensive thinking you needed my aura in your life, you really don’t, sometimes I think mistakes were made necessity when you were here at home. Patience running thin, I couldn’t wait for you to get your emotions together to simply say “hi.”  

I took the opportunity to exit because I didn’t want to be in your life anymore. Sitting in your sweet face wanting to treat you well, quite honestly you’re above any compliment I could give you. Tainted through knowing me I don’t believe anything good would’ve come from knowing me any further. Purpose completed in our lives anything else would be an undoing of the goodness that had been laid. Leaving to not puncture, leaving to not inflict more harm. Knowing it was coming you told me you could feel the distance, alluding that I hinted towards exiting. 

Hopelessly indebted to your love I really yearned for you to be here for longer than anticipated. Selfish to think I’m more important to your livelihood the actions you showcased said my intent to your life was no longer needed. Though coming around the bend to check on my well being, to call me friend, best friend I’ll go through life never forgiving how I did more harm not speaking to you first. Leaving without notice, you received just a short note of warning, but the stage was not designed for contemplation as the door had been shut. 

I already miss you even though you had not spoken to me in a week. I wondered what you were waiting for, were you waiting for me to break the silence, I’m sorry I went in a different direction. Cutting ties with past people, with past habits, I’ve no choice but to go forward because going back would be an undoing. Not talking to you everyday, looking for your name to come across my screen I guess new information made it hard for you to look at me. No longer able to gaze in my direction I suppose I did all the damage necessary for you to insight length from me. 

Either way, making a selection was painful in that I needed to relieve tension. Let’s be honest, faking to be friends to possibly have something more even if it was an illusion. Aware of no longer being near me, I’m no longer near you either…when loneliness sets in I really miss you. Missing doesn’t equate to you being in my life, rather it’s a natural process of my heart expelling your energy. The only one actually bold enough to put their being on the line, you were the only one with fortitude to lead me down aisles. I’d walked with you anywhere except I wasn’t fully trusting the vision. 

Loving the view, I was in love with all the other views too, never question if you were special rather it’s the love given that wasn’t fresh. Needing to love you, desiring to love you, I understand loving is letting go.