herlucidlife

I know I’m not important to you because I’m not worth you trying to find. Not seen as valuable to the fight, seems that I too am looking to be desired. The ugly truth is we all wanted to be desired more than the next, yet none were willing to exhaust themselves for love. I take that back, you knew I wanted you and it showed but you didn’t want me, that’s haunting. To clearly see that you wanted what I had but not me as a person. An easy going personality, icing on the cake for your manipulative tactics, I see you thought I was easy. 

Mentally stronger than normal, momma put in me toughness that surpasses all your understanding of who you thought I was. No baby, you can’t down someone that was swinging before you even entered the battle. Lost, all sinking for different reasons, I’m beginning to believe that lowering is just simply a redirection from something unneeded. Depression brought gifts while maybe downheartedness brought more uncertainty for you. You seemed confused when we met, like you didn’t really like your life and was hoping that maybe I could help you realign. 

Taken aback by the mental fortitude that was shoved on me, you were praying I was still the same girl. Girls grow into ladies, ladies turn into women, transforming unconsciously. I needed to go backward to see that you’d been sitting in that same space the entire time. Unattractive, you’re further from me now than you were then, and no there’ll never be a time when our minds are on leveled fields. Speech was different, movement was refined, I could see you came in giving the same googly eyed look trying to woo, thinking that fornication was the only way to keep me bond.

Physicality is fickle to the permanence of the heart. Soul ties, even at one percent occupancy fondness will forever be attached to you. No hatred I love every being genuinely, I’ve only given to you never taking past what you were willing to give. You fought me tooth and nail for things I wasn’t ready to give but did anyway for you. One sided love, depleted, yes I loved you more than your presence could accept. Not feeling deserving you still don’t see how rare you are. I can’t convince you, clearly how I loved you wasn’t enough. You said so with the lackluster performance you gave, deeming yourself unworthy of love you gave little because you didn’t know how to give more. 

Love is teachable with the correct student, yet learning wasn’t your goal just simply wanting to be full you’ll always be pining for someone else until you learn to fill your own cup. I had excess. That’s why you’re so full, blessings from God. It’s time for me to regain my strength in order to pour into other vessels. Yes, you no longer need me, and the only reason you hold on is because embracing the future means letting me go. I did it for you for me, and now it’s your turn.