herlucidlife

Don’t think I would be welcomed, don’t believe I’m being missed. Why would you L? When I’ve done only the cruelest things to be set free. Often shifting between the seen eye and the faith eye, I’ve been too focused on the seen while faith is holding my heart still, gently moving through obstacle courses. Most hurdles lie inside my own mind, even in the midst of fear I’m learning to move. Funny how angst turns to excitement when put to action, perhaps evil uses dismay to mask the genuine joy purpose brings. Since God’s given purpose can’t be taken away, it has to be disguised as something else in order to not be touched. 

Vails are being lifted off the mind, fog is trying to clear yet I keep going in circles over you. No new thoughts to conjure up, I’m legit unsure of the decision being made. Arrogant to think there is any passage left, only materializing in my mind I’ve not acted on these emotions. Something is keeping me from moving the wall that keeps you out, perhaps God’s given His confirmation quietly whispering, “stay still.” Unmoving because I’ve internalized not every emotion needs to be acted on, as it’s gotten me in trouble in the past. 

You’re the one I hope to see down the line looking healthier than ever inside and out. Oh yes! Though not seen, I’m cheering for you. Good vibrations sent your way overrunning blessings of excess, I know you’re okay because He’ll make sure of it. Sometimes wondering will we always be linked through the spirit of marriage despite lawful endings? No usual person, unfortunately I grouped you in with the other individuals who were no good for me. 

Wanting to ungroup you because you never did me as bad, really you were confused but loving. Damaged while serving purpose, humble yet needing help being confident in self. Doubt you think of me as fondly, shifting in your mind I used to be higher up than garbage. Actions showed I didn’t care, why so torn up now? Torn up after the fact, none of those emotions kept me from acting sinfully, yanking out hearts in the process. Going in mental circles most days only the future will tell if the right choices were made. 

Asking God for confirmation, I’m not sure it’s any of my business. My behavior showed I no longer wanted it to be my prerogative, hurting myself just as much as you. I’m still wrapping the bend thinking, “darn you could’ve at least maintained companions.” Hmm, I don’t believe the statement wholeheartedly, maybe this is just a process and I won’t feel like this tomorrow.