herlucidlife

Peace grew in my heart when I heard God confirm your exit was correct. Anxiety left the body over your absence, I know it was best for you too. Not being found at His feet, I tried to drag you there kicking and screaming. Though you wanted me you didn’t want Him and that was the biggest issue I’ll never be able to get past. You saw how His presence impacted our lives in a positive way yet it wasn’t enough for you to turn into His face. I was hoping you feeling His aura through our connection would bleed a seed into your being that would sprout fruition, but seems if seeds were planted it’s not my business to witness. 

I don’t believe a seed wasn’t planted, oh no I believe something happened but you’ll lie to yourself because that door would open wounds you’d shut out. Still carrying pain from childhood and beyond can’t have room for no one if there’s no room to love Jesus. Hooking to me like a sucker, you had no need to latch onto Jesus because you felt safer connected to me. Trust me, no connection is safe if Jesus isn’t leading you. No connection is safe if you aren’t first connected to Him. 

Passively walking through life just prayer and meditation isn’t enough. It’ll never be enough if you don’t know His words. Who are you praying too when you don’t know who God sounds like? Who are you speaking to when you don’t know the character of the Being you came too? Who are you imaging when you don’t trust His sovereignty in the Word? Translations have made you scared of His scripts, doubting the power in His finger, that means doubt has even crept into the prayers given to Him. 

I’ve prayed and given God my doubt a thousand times over, yet even in doubt you have to trust He’ll answer because without trust you’ll not see Him. Belief is what powers the vision of God in our minds, belief gives God power over our lives. When you believe something, it’s true regardless of if it’s seen or felt by anyone else because your mind and body have already decided to operate as though He’s real. The body and soul align with Him through spiritual closeness, for air between the eyes likes to forget He’s real. 

Often nervous about the magic of these spiritual gifts I’m praying the juices never fade and that production is always evident in my craft. Birthed out of deep depth from wounds screaming in agony from the infection that ensued. I’ve been set free, the mind is calm in busying myself. I’ve not looked at your lane in a while, matter fact feelings as though you’ve disappeared from my memory you’ve stopped holding so much weight. 

No longer at one hundred percent capacity, you’ve dropped to fifty percent. T, you watching my friends’ accounts will not get you back into the circle, once doors are closed I find comfort knowing they’ll never be opened again. By my own choosing my future is no longer attached to your being, no longer hoping to be with you in the end. Solace has found my mind internalizing the only intense love I need you don’t possess because you’re not God. 

You’ll not find me until you find Him.