herlucidlife

Always thought the true test of knowing you didn’t need someone in your life was when living felt better when they were gone. Always thought when God removed people it was permanent. Not talking about those deceased, no these creatures are living breathing absent from my life and I like it. I like to think I know who He’ll bring around the corner for reuniting when really no clue has been given. Needing to step back to learn important skills for the reunion, something in me needs to change in order to handle what God is preparing in my life and in yours. 

I was only going to homecoming to see you, thinking maybe you’d show up. Months down the line it’s arrogant to make plans without His say so. Showing me the error in my heart posture, I was traveling to get under your skin, to gloat, to show you that life didn’t need you. Contradictory to the words, the action would have shown I love you more then than now, and that you’d be on my mind so tough I would have to physically let you know through my presence. 

Sabotaging the surrender I gave to God, He humbled me in that loving way He does, making clear my heart could only be correct if I waited for His divine ordination, until then stay put at home. Wanting to control when and how you saw me, really it’s all a pathetic attempt to be more wanted by you. Only God can shift your heart so you see me clearly, looking through foggy broken glasses everyone looks like a wolf to you. The world says to let go of those that have wronged you, yet what if Jesus let go of everyone that wronged Him? Not like God at all, not equals yet I’m supposed to take a lesson from His book regarding loving correctly. 

Perhaps loving correctly is letting go to be transformed, shifting so I can care for you better. A servant heart in weird form, not sure if I’m making sense, is cutting people off a man made phenomena? Or is it simply a shifting of divine seasons? Missing you, missing our friend group, really I don’t need your presence yet it was liked by my heart. Asking for wisdom for the road ahead, simply put I’m allowing my mind to be rewired that it focuses on the here. For if I value the future I’ll make sure the present is stable so it may be built upon. 

Foundation is important as God is trusting me with a lot and I’d love to do well on my journey. Walking with the Only teacher needed for this course of life, He’ll bring like minded believers and even enemies to direct my path around obstacles woven into purpose, for miracles are always taking place. I really miss you and I pray He keeps you doing well, no malice in this heart genuinely, do good for it puts a smile on the face of the One who created you. Seek Goodness in bond with Father, I know you’re safe because He answers all prayers in time and on time.