herlucidlife

What scares me is I like the idea of you and me. What frightens me is I’ve always known. In my old age, the thought makes my heart feel light, sincerely safe. I don’t speak on it because even slight readiness is not in my bones. Often liked for being the life of the party, your view in my eyes is sweet in nature. A quiet gentleman to himself in different worlds, most don’t enjoy visiting the real you. Humble in nature, purely mellow we’ve talked for hours on end about everything and nothing at all. I’ve enjoyed knowing the being behind the hype, he’s more special than people realize. Bound by spirits celebrating The Most High, He is our favorite topic. 

Not a love story, honestly it’s just a confused girl having way too many dreams so intense I’ve got to speak on it. How do I articulate the feeling in my gut? Don’t want to gab about anything with you, energy in my heart feels like it would be off putting. Knowing my ugly history there’s absolutely no way you’d even fathom rolling your eyes in my way. Not wanting to attach, I’m having a hard time loving myself still.  Perhaps if I loved her more than you liking me wouldn’t be so hard to believe…if you were too. Have you ever thought so low of yourself that even an imperfect person would be too good? 

Don’t mistake my words for being too invested when really the investment has been paid a thousand times over. Better for having known the other, it’s a mutual agreement between brother and sister to stay solid. Using those terms loosely, the way I feel is non relational. Heart shifting without words, is it me or the forces at hand? Father please tell me where these emotions have erupted from because I’m severely unsettled in my soul. Tossing and turning at night you’ve frequented my hallucinations a little more than I’d like to count. 

Presence becoming more known, taking up space in the cortex do I have to tell you? Making me think this is happening for a reason, surely it could be a sign. Talking in circles, I won’t say I dislike the energy of something more. Never shying away from connection, I already check my phone a little too often for you. Deep breathing, mulling over everything and then some, from past to present it all makes sense. Too many narratives in my head, some think maybe you played the long game but that’s just me having been screwed over before so I’m not sure.

Never giving a reason to be untrusted, we’ve both been disloyal to those who were in our grasp. Similar in many ways, it’s truly a leap of faith to even be feeling this way. Questioning sincerity is really an issue of my heart projecting onto yours. Never mind my thoughts, they mean you no harm, they just want to move correctly, benefiting all involved. Not having to worry about me loving you, we’ve been chained together through souls of the same conviction. Tell me what you think, is this accurate or off key?

Maybe I’ll have another dream that clarifies everything or it could be just as murky as last night and you’ll pop up in my worlds again. Don’t be alarmed, not in any danger I’ll keep to myself before bringing any mess to your door.