herlucidlife

Liking the idea of someone does not translate to reality. Concepts have no consequence, light in manner nothing is at stake really a mind game. Truth brings everything that person is, no sugar coated on those hallucinations, results at the door an idea gives time to regather oneself before the next connection. No face time, it can be left or taken or used in small increments owing the other nothing in return. Real life says you’re more than a notion, more than conceptualization you’d require upkeep. Maintenance is far from any dream I’ve had. To be in the thick of it with you, closing my eyes daydreaming over the work that would take place, my stomach becomes queasy. I don’t want to work for anyone but myself. 

Having already been owned freedom is both emotional, spiritual and physical. Suffocation seeps into my mind when I think of the past and the amount of duties that’s been accomplished since. Sinking in a place of nowhere-ville I literally almost let someone suck the life out of my being because they were scared to dream and live big, even just starting off small is huge. I don’t regret that time in my life, it made me yearn for breath to never allow myself to be stuck under the thumb of another human not led by Jesus. Being linked is more than dating and union. It’s trusting the others vision for their life because it will directly affect my life as well. Clarity is directly given by Jesus, I don’t say this because I’ve always followed His path yet when I have things have fallen smoothly how they should, even the trials. 

Usually hiccups materialize when I veer off course into my own direction, everything falls to pieces like wet bread.  No longer feeling blinded, life has moved quickly like I’ve always felt it should for when God calls things to action His timing is perfection at its finest. Chips stacking like pringles I don’t take for granted the work He’s done in me over a month’s time. Looking back the growth is exponential purely grace and mercy wrapped in miracles blessed by divine kisses, OH YES I’d not have made it without God’s Hand of heavenly intervention. Believing in every prayer Jesus and The Holy Spirit has spoken I’m living proof they’re language is more powerful than mine. 

Something is off in my spirit, unsettled heavy on the mind are the inconsistencies of others. I don’t like how my mind is infatuated with your absence. Having too much time on the hands, even when busy the mind can creep over regardless of the task at hand. Irritation had plagued my mind, even your truancy, down to you not calling back when you said you would. Focusing on the seen allowed for judgment and infuriation to set into my bones. The disquietness I felt in my heart was really the absence of gratitude, arrogance in my head for thinking I should be a priority. Father showed me the mind likes to hold onto negativity when life feels unbearable, when misunderstanding rears its ugly head. My human self deems things unknown as a threat, gratefulness places God back in His place at the top. 

Shifting the mind to see only His goodness, holding me and everything I am in His hands. I was way too focused on you and my lack.