herlucidlife

Father, I feel overwhelmed with the amount of broadcasting coming with being an entity. I like to stay in my bubble not having a problem with things moving slowly. I’m learning to broaden my horizon, sometimes feeling like a burden yet wasting resources that could share Your goodness is a heavier load I wouldn’t want to carry. Yea, I get stuck in little ruts where I’m just simply happy to be starting. I don’t even focus on the progression, thoroughly excited to just be here. Can I marvel at this stage for a second before being forced to move to the next? I know I don’t know what I’m doing, yet isn’t there beauty in trying anyway even if it’s not perfect?

Let’s walk a little slower please Jesus, those close to me mean well yet more stress cocoons my mind when I’m not ready for anything more than what I’m already producing. Is what I’m doing not enough? Having to become a master at everything just to simply master one thing, when did the world become so complicated? Ain’t gone lie, I really don’t want to keep up with trends, I really don’t care about what the world says is popular, yet my stubbornness could be keeping someone from the blessings that is held in Your Name. Forgive me I was in a creative flow and was interrupted by the banging of needing to be better so quickly, needing a breath…just calm down guy it’s not that serious. 

Supposedly needing the help I genuinely get irritated when it’s unsolicited because I never thought I needed it. Not wanting to sound arrogant, I’m simple in nature, merely being present is a miracle in it’s own, let’s not rush past it. Oddly, I like not knowing what’s going on in the world but what if God wants me to know to bring more people to Him? I need Your help in accepting assistance even when I’m blind to it. I have no clue what Jesus prayed for on my behalf perhaps You sent the answer and I’m denouncing grace. Please aid me in letting go of the way I like to do things in order to bring people to You.  

I get discouraged. We live in a world where most don’t read or consume anything that would take too much effort to intake. How would I pull people to these words when those same people wouldn’t even read a one sentence quote? I’m not sure I fit in this time frame well, old school at heart being social isn’t my scene. I’m an “either you like it or hate it, either way you not gonna stop me from living” kind of being.  Is that a negative perspective on life? Feeling like an elder in a sea of youngins, Father I pray I can keep up because sometimes I get this sense I’m drowning when I thought I was swimming okay. 

Please correct me when I’m wrong, shove me to the side. Not well stuck in my own way. I’ll need a bulldozer for the amount of crud needing to lift from the mind.