herlucidlife

Conviction overcame my soul this morning, speaking so piercingly I could feel how I’d done wrong by someone by speaking about them behind closed doors rather than praying over them in secret. Poisonous to sit up and look low on those who’ve rubbed me the wrong way, to belittle those who’re taking a little longer coming to the throne. Where was my compassion instead of hatred? Where was intercession when you needed more than words? Speaking illy behind you won’t allow God to speak through me to you, how can He when I’m so focused on the detriment you’ve caused? Chopping it up with my brother we discussed those who’d torn us up in manipulative ways. 

We bonded over the essence of feeling mistreated, feeling like we needed to vent, the spirit on the inside was not amused by the words being spoken over those who needed more kindness than anything. For we were once and still are ugly in the same way, cycles on repeat though just between you and me it shouldn’t have been so deep to cause conviction. Wailing for a month I see how assessing others comes in all forms, embedded in the mind. It’s a venomous trait all humans have whether noticed or not. God’s been showing me the error in my thought process and the lackluster performance I give when trying to correct what He’s brought to me attention. 

Having an issue with trying to fix something God has brought to my awareness, isn’t it His responsibility to fix and mine to be obedient? Perhaps it’s why criticism is hard to cut off because I’m attempting to do a task God has already taken care of. Obeying would be not judging, is it that easy cut and dry? The bases of our conversations, spending time speaking of others, what about the trash laying in my own yard needing tending too? Not speaking for you or them, I’m understanding and internalizing the wrong in my mind’s processing system that thinks people’s way of life should fit the way I think. 

Who am I to sit on a broken wobbly stool and denounce your way of life, when the Father doesn’t get my all on any given day? Truly I’ll say it again, silence is the best teacher in knowing when to be humble. Lacking humility towards the other, realizing my opinion doesn’t matter to anyone except me and my life. Mortal, severely ragged and imperfect, changing by the minute. Father will keep gently shoving my spirit until I move in the correct progressive direction, thankfully He wants to change me and He’s placed in me to yearn for His shifting.