herlucidlife

Can judgment be a lack of forgiveness in the heart? I say I don’t pay attention to dreams yet I’ve noticed J your face has become increasingly more vivid. Almost a year ago you’d enter my mind with head in clouds, fog so thick I couldn’t see you yet by the feeling I knew who it was. Now current present day, just last night your lips were so crystal it was like real life right in front of me. Clarity for me, I could sense jealousy and an air of not wanting to give attention yet wanting it in return…petty.

Are the details of this hallucination even important? Sewing in what I’d already known, moving forward not looking for you to be different, I trust you to be exactly what you’ve shown. Really this vision is for me, what are You trying to show me Jesus? Feeling perplexed, I just have a lot of questions. Is it worth the time to ask? Numbing, mind is running circles around itself, dizzy with motion sickness, have you ever felt like you needed to hear God speak through someone else just to have His voice be tangible?

Lacking nothing, my spirit is quiet not muttering much of anything, perhaps that’s a good thing. Not quite unsettled, hesitant to say I love you anymore because I’ve not used the action towards you in some time, cutting you off from my behavior. It’s an overwhelming sense of forcing myself to get over, to move past the emotion because staying tongue tied is sadistic. I think about the old way of life sometimes. I ponder on the breathing in of herbal entities opening portals of the mind that numb emotions. Sometimes, I miss sitting on my bathroom floor for hours listening to real worlds through melodies, crooning over love lost. They understood my pain, to this day they’ve internalized how life can be bittersweet after certain life events. 

Yea, I think about you and the way I used to cope with the sadness your memory brought to my gut. Not willing to go backwards, it’s enough to just sit on it and mutter mmm…leafy green dried herbs clustered into rounds dusted with grassy crystals, yea you were the perfect buddy for my downfall. The ideal companion to fill my lungs with things sucking air out of my body. Mmm, I miss you and that, the two things I didn’t need, the two materials my mind shouldn’t have housed, why did we have to be so close? Tricking myself into thinking I needed you, possibly even detriment comes at the correct time. 

I asked to see you in the subconscious world, Father delivered bringing all the visibility of your face. So now what? What do I do with it? I don’t know, God what do I do with what was brought? Speaking clearly, I see it was a tool needed in unhooking my fingers from around your throat, so I could breathe and move on.