herlucidlife

I want to write fairy tales about you. Scenes that end in love and happiness hoping some come to fruition. Manifesting a mild to severe case of heart felt love loss, little cracks have begun to form. Divine healing, though my mind is speaking in friend terms, illusions in space are shouting, “be forever mine!” Vulnerable, naked in my words I wanted more and you could see it. Couldn’t fake the facts in my bones movement. Not sure when it happened mmmm, pain makes the face wince in agitation. Losing more than love, it’s not about you it’s about the emotions I carry for you. Incitement occurred in the past, I think most people misunderstand how short life feels in long spans of time. Ten years of life only feeling like three to five years away, sometimes shorter. I have to remind myself of the existence being experienced in this skin. It’s a lot. 

So beautiful to be here experiencing this great emotion for you. Intense how the body is carrying some baggage of your recollection. Joyfully she’s interacting with the inner being with light motions. Moving loosely around the ground, my body is doing well. Getting bored with visions of you is old news, nothing fresh. Jotting down the emotional heart attack, it feels like it’s passing on and there was minimal damage. Not taking either loosely I need you to understand how painful your memory ensued. Stronger than before was a lie, something in the blue sky on the twentieth led me to leaving the door cracked for you. Knowing I wasn’t all there, you had rotted my mind so badly it felt like I had to do something. 

Waiting on God was the only instruction undoing what He had put in place, I keep praying I’m strong enough for better mental fortitude in the future because the present is showing grim. I love you and it would be worse than before. Twisting everything into your favor seeing another on the floor gasping for air…I would be the guppie out of water. I’m not getting better, talking big in the other posts, a little too big for the week I had with your imaginary form. Distractions popped onto my screen, same day looking to take my focus off the actions at play. Hiding behind screens these individuals were not who they portrayed to be. Rushing emotional connection for the intent to steal, I barricaded my door. For I wasn’t even supposed to be entertaining anything outside of God’s path. 

Speaking loosely in the tongue, I left the door open for you. I want you to harm my life just to have you close. Pathetic, desperate energy seeping into my space, it shouldn’t feel wrong for wanting someone to be okay and well. Couldn’t it have been easier than what you made so difficult? Or would it have been gnashing of the teeth regardless? Knowing it’s harmful, ill mannered in nature, once you come around the bend and you will. The malling in your face will be so damaging, unrecognizable to even yourself. You will be worse off than before, not speaking lies or detriment onto you. I understand darkness of this world doesn’t bring health.