herlucidlife

Been feeling distracted lately with everything I think I have to fit into a day. Off guard with my emotions I’m paying way too much attention to the weird actions coming about. Beating myself up for undoing locks and chains, figured I’m in no danger you won’t check on me until it feeds what you lack. Until then you don’t care. Swimming in the same boat as before I’m feeling okay, zenned into myself, something inside is shifting a little. Speaking positivity over this body, cared for, missing the mark several occasions and counting. 

Am I ready for the hell you could bring to my doorstep? When you decide to come around, old dogs don’t look for new homes but return to the same old thing hoping love is available in any form. Attention drugged out junky of the spotlight regime, yea it got you bad too. Seeking wantedness from the opposite sex any pretty girl will do. Tricking yourself into thinking love is the end goal it’s the intoxication lust brings when it’s fresh off the fire into the temptation of the flesh. You can’t turn it off alone, that’s assuming you want it gone, you may like it there in mindless numbing of the soul it’s on the road to death.

Clearly a stone was left unturned because I’m preparing for another dance with you. Futuristic troublemaker, undoing present latches for the fall of my heart. I’m interested to see how you could ruin a life? Will it be done on purpose or just by chance from the operation of a dark mind and cold heart? Harsh, crass in speech but I know you won’t return because of love lost but for attention being missed. Motives and intentions will not be pure but hidden looking for exposure at the correct time. Always about you in my heart, it was never about me for you. Unseen, overlooked, I’d settle for an apology. An acknowledgement of an error to the other party, no that’ll not be in attendance either. Just your boyish charm hoping to wiggle in, the stakes are higher this time around, you’ll have to put more on the table. Perhaps  you should just leave it alone.

I’m talking as if you’ve peeped into the cracked entry way, no not yet but I know the behavior of exes past. Though we never dated, it was more than friendly meaning something along the lines of a situationship which leaves the door open for more damage to be done on a larger scale because we never went to those other levels. Intrigued by the road ahead, I’m grateful for whatever happens, the human experience is never a dull journey especially with someone that causes so many heart flutters.