herlucidlife

Mind in the gutter lately, salacious thoughts crowding the mind. Crazy for leaving the door open, any ignorance coming to the threshold is my own doing, safe behind the wall. I wanted to see if danger really does lurk like how I think it does in your flesh, riling up the tension in my bones. Much blame is mine, I don’t actually know if you’ll grace my face, this is just a girl speaking on hopeful maybe’s. I’m not done with sabotaged behavior. I’m not complete with the amount of pain already ensued, more needs to occur for satisfaction to be welcomed. My supply is coming to an end, mental toughness is coming. Every emotion that was suppressed during this time of mental vacation, will come back stronger than before. Days will pass before normalcy sets in but I’m looking forward to persisting in goodness. 

I can’t believe that someone could be so cold. Logically none of it makes sense, a heart issue clearly, I’m tripping falling all over myself. Crystal, you don’t care. I need vision changing goggles, eye surgery, the facts all align. Anyone can help me snap back into reality, none of it makes sense. Actions. Behaviors. Silence. Time. Distance. All issues of yours. Rose colored glasses, my problem requires truth. Been painting little daydreams in my head and it’s not right for my psyche. Harmful to myself is the kindness I house, she wants what she wants even in thought I’m stubborn against self. The last one…will it really be though? Always having to question myself I always end up doing the very thing I don’t want to do like a nervous tick. 

Forcing acts onto myself, human will power is not sufficient for the road. Life, any living thing needing oxygen, demands more than Sunday morning hollers to suffice the soul. Teaching moments only, things done in secret are just as dreadful as those put on the curb for neighborly view. Monkeys riding my back for some time it’s always the same step tripping me up. Going without a substance to numb the pain, torture has set in because your face won’t leave my mind. For years, months, weeks, and days, till this present day you’ve tattooed yourself into my membrane. The ink goes deeper with every passing day. I thought permanence was supposed to fade from the skin overtime I guess the same doesn’t apply for the heart.