herlucidlife

I don’t like the idea of never housing you in my thoughts. You’re the one person I’d thought never leave my side, you were my companion hubby. Permanent fixture in the circle, broken chains, pieces on the floor shattered, nothing can be linked with the old chain. Perhaps it’s me wanting to salvage some sanity I have left, guarding myself by saying, “nah he ain’t that chilly not that savvy.” Would I be childish to not believe it? My gut just knows, rather she feels something is afoot, not adding up, taking too long to gain a sense of playboy. You may have gotten hit with your own arrow, heart bleeding out onto the floor. Those that play the field get hurt too but they didn’t tell you that, sorry you got hit while trying to punch me. 

Shot by your own gun, bleeding from the soul. Replacements won’t do, you’ll need a surgeon for that hole. Went to sleep with you here, saw you in the middle of the night wrapped in my head tight, visions of you continuing into the morning arising with just you on the brain. Too many hours in a day, it’s like my mind can’t let go. Walking in circles around your memory, in love with a ghost of time past, you’re not here…literally. Have you ever wanted to be slumped for a second? Genuinely needing to gather my thought process head pounding at the thought of your name, why does the mind not like to let go? Is it a skill only some possess or are we all walking around with figments that we just ignore? 

So much turmoil, grief, and hurt in the world. I know my heart isn’t the only one in agony. We all walk around with our heads either in the clouds or on the ground either way danger finds itself in our faces daily. Reminded how some are looking to take away lives for allegiance to something else, while others are striving to save beings through truth and kindness. Funny how we’ll all end up on the same side of death no matter the road it took, I know you’re not the end of my life. The world has not stopped simply because we don’t talk, my life hasn’t been hindered since not seeing your name. Stress coming from my own being I truly believe missing someone that is unattainable is another form of strain on the mental impacting health negatively. 

Missing you isn’t the issue, it’s the amount of time I’ve spent rotting over spoiled milk. Things just don’t feel done, my gut is feeling emotions are unresolved whatever is occurring isn’t finished. Or is my sentimental heart getting the best of me? I won’t speak up first, won’t chase after you I’m pretty done in that regard though actions determine a different conclusion. Nothing left honestly, nothing comes to my head I just don’t want an ending, regardless of time passed it just doesn’t feel quite finished. Father God please help me to let go in the midst of feeling tied. I’m sure You’ve removed me so please hasten my heart to Your door step that I find wholeness in Your presence.