herlucidlife

Bathroom serenades, puffing into the night I hugged myself, pressing my cheek into my shoulder my heart said “you do good, don’t stress so much.” Immediate release liquid coming from the eyes I allowed myself to let go of the unforgiveness and hatred toward myself. For whatever reason I was holding onto things Jesus had already forgiven and paid for. Not taken for granted, lids get heavy touching the floor, eyes closed. I’ve been more tired than usual. We’ve been chatting back and forth for some days now and I’m smitten. 

Hoping the vibes are the same in person things can easily flop when eye to eye. A new venture unplanned. Organic in nature not out on the shelf for display this one was a slow cooker over time. Maintenance. I feel stressed to produce a timeline I set for myself. I feel pressed to achieve a goal I knew from the beginning wasn’t sustainable. So eager to please my selfish pride of being the best in my own eyes it seemed I burnt myself out. I’m tired of the routine I’m on so am I going to shift or wallow? Shifting with my concerns, alleviation is coming to the body and to the creative process coming into place. 

Being able to shift in order to achieve mental relaxation is key in living this life. Perhaps creating everyday was enough back then and the emotional spillover was so much it was almost word vomit I had too much to share. Changing is not letting myself down but it’s allowing myself to reach other parts of my psyche going untouched. Sitting still wanting to sink into the sofa watching movies thinking it’s okay to not write because I’m tired with no plan of execution in mind, no foresight into the future care of my baby, my blog. That made me nervous. 

Strain and hassle had tried to pull down my reason for creating, not easily swayed from purpose when wanted it will be pursued. Waking up late on off days, scrapping myself off the bed only leaving for incidentals, it’s time to act. I asked a simple question of you, and the response got me thinking about the dedication I put toward my gifts and is it enough? Is it disrespectful to the Father to not give all I got every moment? Often possessing a relaxed disposition, stress easily ruins the party coming quickly around my shoulders if not watched. Making sure to etch in pistops of rest just simply breathing tires the body. 

In retrospect it’s only been two days of rest and now I see how my view of time is warped moving slower than anticipated quicker than wanted. In that span I’m wondering if I learned who I am in God?