herlucidlife

Woke up with you far from my mind. The best remedy to alleviate the stress of you is speaking to God. Hearing and understanding every word, never having to repeat myself or say the correct words…He understands the pain in my heart without verbiage. Coming out this wave of emotions, unscathed held together like binding. So much on my mind, swirling around like smoke in the air. Going on two weeks of sobriety, confirmation came to my door. Embarking on the right path of being clean, leaving the mind on the shelf while substance takes the wheel is a sin. Conviction on the spirit anytime mind altering liquids hit my lips or cylinders holding green leaves hit the tongue. 

Not able to do just one, not equipped to take just one puff the whole goal is to get slapped. Faded till there is no more and still not enough I need to be out of my mind, the spirit within told me that was wrong. God confirmed tonight through studying of His Word that it is incorrect behavior. Opening portals to demonic realms that should stay shut. I only speak from my own experience, see what God told my heart is personal. You may not feel convicted the way I have and that’s okay but be sure to get a clear understanding of what God is telling you so you can move accordingly. 

Uneven in our beliefs, God has begun the work of loosening you from my mental grasp. Waiting on someone that doesn’t love the being that changed my life is wrong. For how could you appreciate me if you don’t appreciate God? What value do I bring if you don’t see the worth in God? Almost psychotic when I think about it, the Bible study teacher had to bring to my attention that some are literally here for a season but once ties are cut there’s no need for anymore glue. No longer purposeful in my life, God is showing me I no longer need to wait for someone He doesn’t plan on bringing back. Moving me out of your way, going in different directions really we shouldn’t be in the same car. 

Freeing to think of not holding you in my mind with the same weight, becoming less and less significant to the future plan. Something about letting you go is really exciting and relaxing. Always love for you in my heart, yet care doesn’t equate to you populating my space and time. Prayer can be done from a distance with the same heartfelt meaning as if you were sitting under my face, both heads bowed, hands laid on your shoulders, I pray for and over you. Leaving you in your corner and I in mine, it’s safe to say that not being near each other is the most safe. Divine order in each path, going outside the boundaries could be dangerous. 

Already in the world, from my experience it’s the godliness in me that suffers the most when in the company of those that don’t love Him. Perhaps, that’s a sign that my faith needs to be stronger, yet I’m no fool the flesh can only sit in temptation for so long before it folds. Protecting the sacredness of what God and I are building, it would do some good to stay the course obediently learning from other believers. Sharpened by the Word of God, so just maybe if I cross your path a light will be shining that you see God rather than a darkness that is cold and angry.