herlucidlife

Clearly no room for me, why act like there’s a seat open when visibly there’s a filler in the way? I’m noticing the attributes I’d like my future person to have, behaviors they need to possess before darkening my door. How you move before ever meeting me is just as important as the person you’re presenting to my face. Couldn’t even pray about your advancements because I knew you didn’t have my name on you. Not for me, for the streets or whoever will have you next I’m not sure but I’d be a fool to put my name in the bucket. Feelings hurt, I know you like me but you don’t know I like you back so you’re walking around unguarded while I watch gathering information. No longer taking notes I’ve seen enough. Crazy how you can know a glimpse of someone just by watching how they move, the heart position manifests in behavior. Whether walking around with hurt or a selfish pride of unsecured vanity, futile is the heart if it’s not attached to God. I’m sensing a lack of connectivity to the Most High. 

Willing to share the Word and conversation nothing more, not sure what you planned but don’t even try. Every word would fall on deaf ears because I don’t test easily anymore. Not even action is enough without consistent pressure being applied at all times, no weariness in the affection. I need constant care before you’ve even said “will you be mine?” Perhaps I have no right to expect that yet how would I know you’re true if the evidence is nonexistent before the title? Waiting for God to bring him around the corner I tend to entertain in a way that is invisible to the naked eye. Never posting to social, tight lipped around mixed company only those close to me understand the nature of how I move around relationships. 

Not everyone’s business you’d never know when I’m off the market. Confidential, personal, held close to the chest, better ask if you want to know. I lied, I’ll entertain anyone that likes me in hopes air could be the correct match. Held under wraps, no one’s concern but mine and theirs. Privacy, knowing when to keep quiet, understanding not all information is for everyone. Secrecy, being ashamed of the action feeling as though people could judge. Just not fitting my cup of tea, the same type of guy keeps coming to my door thinking entry is through the body. Artificial, superficial materialistic I can not deal with the supply . Something is lacking and perhaps it’s integrity in oneself but I may need to move around, once again I found another who can’t match my energy. 

Understanding the value God has placed on my life has caused me to move away from people that would rather treat me like cheap gold. Internalizing the price Christ paid, placing worth on my forehead has created a steadfast approach toward being around those that fill my cup and I theirs. Witnessing the trauma I went through has manifested a responsibility to the little girl that endured the most that I may learn from her mistakes. I will not let her down, being disrespectful to the toil of her labor, I am here because she never let go.