herlucidlife

Letting go of myself is how I gain a better sense of who I am. Not artificial, walking as a spiritual being heightened to the language of my Father. He speaks to the Holy Spirit, my gut guides me to the correct step. Constantly looking for His direction, what compass do I have without Him? No maps in my mind, only holy things hanging around I truly want to be more in tune with His likeness. I told a guy I met recently, “I don’t feel that emotional tug shouting run for the hills.” His response was to “fight the feeling when it comes.” After one short evening of over-sexualized conversation directed around my body, my spirit was in turmoil the next morning. Speaking to God, He revealed to me that I don’t want to ignore His tugging.

More so I want to heed His words and move accordingly. Within twenty-four hours being cut off in the end, getting snakes up out my garden. Meaning no wellness to my being, enemy in “nice guy” form. Cute behavior doesn’t always mean the heart is connected to God, for some are called “saints” yet are so far removed from Him in their souls. Correct by the world’s standards, futile are their efforts. To never acknowledge Him is to already be condemned. Coming from experience, I’ve been the lost soul looking for purpose in a job, money, or who said they “loved me.”

It wasn’t until God used my sin for my good breaking in me the works that brought tears to His eyes. I can’t go back. I will not change for any person, but I will morph for Jesus. Choosing to lay my life down for Him everyday is never easy yet something in the reward is feeling His smile on my heart. I say to that, “Thank You God for choosing me yet again!” A mess, a wreck, literally I would vaporize if God decided for one moment to just think about removing His breath from my lungs…I don’t want to fathom it. 

Have you ever considered that God’s love is so irrational that it makes perfect sense? I sit in my room everyday fathoming how and why You would love me. Sharing the most awe inspiring love, water flowing from eyes at just the thought of Your goodness. Reckless, with every detail set in place for my good You thought about every course of action and still chose the hard pill to swallow. Choked up in the throat, fighting back emotions, my Lord loved me back to health. God is a God for everyone, I only speak of Him personally because I feel Him so closely, He birthed me. My parent, my Father formed me out of thin air, imagining my face before He gave me to earthly vessels. 

I think about you always. I see her face in my dreams. I miss my earthly mother, my heavenly sister. You creep around in my mind, feeling more like you every day. I know you are proud. Becoming proud of myself, things are shifting in, around and out of me. For the better I’m thankful I’m not the same. Thankful God made sure to do a good work in me, still completing the job. I have no doubt in my mind everything He put into place will come to pass, because it always has, and it always will.