herlucidlife

Switching to the earthly man who wants to be in my life, applying consistent pressure. Demonstrating in his actions that he heard what I said, never expecting him to move on my behalf…he did without being asked. Making a purchase, sending it to the house, instantly in love when I saw the box I couldn’t believe he was behaving exactly how I needed without even knowing what was necessary. I never told him what I wanted out of a man yet he seems to be filling shoes he had no knowledge of. Perhaps that’s God relaying another message to me. Impatience shouldn’t steal the joy of God answering prayers in His divine timing.

We back on the Lord because focusing on anything or anyone other than Him brings too much mental strain. My brain is literally ready to combust, thought about going ahead and shaving off my hair if it’s just going to fall off from worry anyway. Yet, that would show I don’t trust God to clear up this foggy and scared mind. Not given a spirit of fear, yet I keep putting it on like it was gifted by God. Wearing clothes and ideas not given by my Father, they are causing harm. I know this won’t be life forever, envisioning myself being able to correct my mind on command, having full control over this brain and where I choose for it to go…I will have self control over myself through God. 

He will not let me lose my mind, nor will I allow myself to steal it. The man bought me a juicer. It’s more than just being able to make a beverage but he listened to the reason why, meaning he cares about my well being and health. Stunned, smitten, beyond words, grinning from ear to ear. Not hiding how excited I was, it’s easy to think every gesture could be him playing with me. Yet that would be me stealing joy from myself again, so I’d rather not think like that. He’s a blessing, his actions are so appreciated, needed and loved. Creating a sense of safety, it’s allowing me to comfortably unravel the layers of my onion.