herlucidlife

I could speak of you all day…I do to myself anyhow. Allowing myself to be more comfortable and say what’s on my mind without overthinking too much. My deepest feelings are the one thing I hold back to not scare you off. Rather I let small doses out at a time because it’s also important how much I enjoy you no matter what stage we’re in. Wanting to jot down the fantasy in my brain, it may be too explicit for the reader. Have you ever had a knowing without fully knowing the other person? I’ve been loving things of the world to the point where addiction has set in for those things. Having a main substance also houses filler substances when the true drug can not be accessed for whatever reason. 

Battling with lust of the eye and body, it’s easy to love the world because sin sits in my bones waiting to be unleashed. Loving the world creates death in the spirit and it sucks the life out of everything attached to who you are. I was once spiritually dead, God has done a work to revive a lifeless soul. Loving my Father means I can not love the world and what it has to offer. Remaining in Christ means to remain in His love, sticking close to His presence doing my best to not adopt a lifestyle of sin. Addiction is a struggle and it broke me because I felt a lifestyle of terror trying  to creep into my midst, yet my heart toward God had never cooled. 

Remember, struggling with sin yearning to be free, doing the work God has asked of us to be better is very different from having a lifestyle of sin with a cold heart towards God and anything He stands for. My Small Group teacher reminded me that God will always look at our heart when committing each act, as some feel remorse while others feel nothing at all. I have to first see an error in my ways before I’ll ever do the work to change yet a heart that is unwilling to be honest will never truly be able to surrender to God. Everyday I wake up the first thing on my mind is staying clean, not using any substance for any reason because no reason is big enough to risk my life. To use, tells God that His grace is not sufficient and I need something added to what He gives…or maybe it just shows Him how broken my spirit is and I need Him more than ever to fix me.

God’s Hand doesn’t need me to add anything, if anything I’m taking value away from what He’s trying to give me. My betterment is a testament to who God is. It’s a tangible example of the work God is doing in His people, it should pull newcomers to Christ for the broken hearted are the most important. Without Christ I would never have the capacity to choose the right path on my own freewill. Without Him any choice would be wrapped in sin. Me going through a dark valley does not equate fear rather God says I have the authority to push fear to the side when I’m His child. His presence releases me from fear. True comfort comes from the hand of Christ. His tools protect me from danger and pull me from dangerous situations when I’ve strayed too far.