herlucidlife

Loving messages sent by readers warms my heart. I can become irritated with well-meaning folks that know me yet give too much unsolicited advice. I share and write not to gain advice but to simply be heard. To simply give another a reason to feel seen through my own story. Everyday I hear stories of others and see myself in their paths. Sometimes there’s nothing to advise but to simply listen with nothing said but I receive what I’ve heard in love. 

Character defect of mine is having irritation at the wrong thing, person or situation. Perhaps there’s nothing to be angry toward yet that doesn’t stop the irrational emotion from turning my face red. I’m still searching for what that means for me and the perspective God is trying to create. I brush it off by saying folks mean well, because I’d rather believe people move in love than feed into an irritation I wish would die. My mind is full these days. Trying to figure where I want to start. Creating, mending, healing and building. Nothing in my system but good oxygen and joy. Peace filling my brain, not wanting to stress over the work needed to further each God gifted venture. All things occur in divine timing, I shouldn’t rush deployment. 

An unexpected rush of attraction led to a heartfelt emotional connection. Feeling the same, communicating identical thinking surging into sentiments we’ve never felt before. Always in a rush to seal the deal for some reason I want to move slow with this one, keeping the freshness of interest raw. Something romantic about feeling my way through his heart. I’m not scared, just tired of ending up alone, giving too much too soon, gaining nothing but more of me. I’m okay with me, I miss having someone closer than a friend. Hoping, praying even that this is it, I’m excited, nervous and calm. Readiness in my bones, I’ll walk slowly to make sure this is the right path. I’m pleading with God that it is, I don’t want to look anymore. Infatuation has set in with the person holding my gaze. I’d like it to stay there. 

Not entertaining another alternative to the story, life is pretty good at showing me reality without it needing to be cooked up on assumptions that aren’t true. I’m sprung, I won’t ruin it with questions that don’t need answers. Sometimes questions, weariness and well wishes of being careful can choke the fun out of a new love. Deep in my mind, tying his way into my heart like a twisted intertwinement of string knotting into irrational attraction. Let’s not try to explain it, it would take too long. Falling, tripping over each other in nervous tamed energy. Being hurt a lot makes it difficult to believe he could be true. I won’t listen to fear this time, I’ve surrendered that notion to God and I know He hasn’t forgotten about me. 

No matter the road the ending will be okay.