herlucidlife

I was so focused on what I needed to give up that I wouldn’t acknowledge how much God was trying to give me. Decluttering my life down to the people, music, tv shows and anything else that could trigger me to leave God’s side. Outside distraction made it hard for me to look at myself, always able to blame another. The absence of the trigger allows me to understand the bullets I house toward myself. I am my biggest trigger and stumbling block. No one else can suck the living out of my life like I can. Stuck, fearful of being whole. Morgan Tracy J. reminded me that fear is sent by the devil to keep me from moving. 

I’ve been playing in the devil’s tool box hoping that something will shake but the only thing torn is my spirit. The devil doesn’t care about my hurt; rather all he wants is the demise at the end, for the goal is to cripple God’s plan. Nothing in this world is about me, the plan of the devil had nothing to do with my goodwill. Anything independent of God is corrupt and I’d been playing with unhealthy vices for too long. I’m scared to be unhinged by God. He is doing something huge in my spirit, shifting things around, moving old ways of thinking aside, creating space for newness to arise. 

Awareness has opened my eyes to the pitfalls in my life. I kept certain people around because I knew they had connection to my vice or that they would condone my behavior if I used. Friends were enablers for the behavior I needed to stop. It created safety around ungodly behavior, that if other Christians were doing it that it was okay. More so the opposite is true, a complacent believer is going to want other believers to be complacent too because it makes them feel better about not doing what God has called. I finally had to stop looking at the sins of others and what they thought was right or wrong for their Christian walk. 

I don’t know what God told them but I do know what the Bible said and what God told me through His words. My responsibility is to the Father and no one else. I pray the distance I created between old friends doesn’t breed anger or attitudes. My life is not for the comfort of others but for the glory of God. Staying in their lives would have been for their comfort while my spirit sank deeper and deeper into a place where I don’t recognize myself anymore. I realized that obedience to God is not going to make everyone in my life proud or happy and that’s okay because obedience isn’t for them. 

Obedience may not always feel good to me but it will always be good for me and good for those around me.