herlucidlife

(a post from august 29, 2021 that never got posted till now)

Powerless does not mean God’s power is absent.

I never want to be a hypocrite, someone not following Jesus but urging others too, not even taking my own words to heart, living a double life. Yet, that’s exactly how I feel most of the time. New struggles arise daily to remind me that I’m not worthy. I look inward for clues of something more but I find myself looking down and seeing nothing to be proud of. 

Growing up I took so much pride in not having any regrets and now I have too many to count. Regret, shame, guilt sit on my chest suffocating any love I had for myself. I look to God for love, I see Him in my life, yet it doesn’t shake the self-loathing feelings I have about myself. I deeply yearn to see myself the way God sees me, until then I will choose to look even deeper into God, searching for His eyes to see myself. 

His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness (2 Peter 1:3).

His divine power. Supernatural, all knowing, all encompassing strength. Nothing is impossible or out of reach for Him. Strength from heaven is flowing directly to me that I may have everything I need to live a godly life. I don’t always feel God’s power in my life, matter of fact I feel very powerless right now. Struggling to grapple with heavy emotions and feelings, I’m going to counseling. Perhaps God is showing me that He can speak through others to uncloud my mind so that I don’t mistake His power for mine. He is not a God of confusion. 

He wants me to see and understand how to use His power. Divine power, heavenly strength is omnipotent meaning He has the power of infinite unlimited  authority over all. He is everywhere all the time at one time. Though I feel powerless, I will not buy into the lie that His power is absent from my life. He is giving me strength and direction to take care of my mental health. 

Has given us everything required for life and godliness. He gives His word the Bible, sharing with me His character and an excellent instruction manual for everything in life. He gives His Spirit that dwells in my heart. His Spirit perfects the work Jesus started on the cross, He is my guidance and leader. He helps me navigate life, He teaches me how to be godly. Instructing me on how to acquire His character. My character does not mimic that of God’s, I strive to imitate Him yet I fail miserably. He’s bringing me closer through the confusion and cloudiness. 

Through the knowledge of Him. Knowing God is so important. Knowing Him is the only way to receive the promises of life and godliness. He is the secret to a good life. To know God is to seek God. To see God for who He is, not for who I want Him to be. 

Who called us by His own glory and goodness. God calls me not because I deserve it but because He wants to share His love with me. God is rescuing me from this world of sin, He chose me first so that I may choose Him back. 

(the words you see were from the girl I was almost two years ago, in active addiction. God was gracious enough to love me then and He is faithful enough to love me now. Thank God even that girl loved God with all her heart that I may be here today sharing the glory of His saving salvation.)