herlucidlife

I think about the Blood of Jesus a lot. Daily I thank God that Jesus was crucified on the cross for our sins. I’ve stopped saying “He died,” because He did so much more than that. A death is simple, lacking torture. Yet Jesus Christ Our Savior was tortured insides spilling out, beaten to unrecognizable fashion, spit on, bolted to a cross where suffocation would set in, wearing a headband of thorns stabbing into His skull. Saving the men to the right and left of Him while in unbearable excruciating physical pain. He also carried the full wrath of God for our sins enduring the very thing He hates for us. He didn’t just die, His actions were more than that. After the third day alive and well, saving souls every single day. 

He saved my soul and continues to save me from my evil desires everyday. He is the reason I am clean today. He is the reason that by the time you read these words I will have more than fifty days clean, no drugs in my bloodstream. Jesus is the reason I work a program to the best of my ability. My relapse was a blessing, it cemented that addiction is life or death. There is a choice, I choose life. Surrendering my will I no longer look to fulfill my own desires. Destiny does not belong to me but to God. Fate is God’s Hand moving in my life. I can’t explain the gratitude I have in my soul. Reconnected with God like never before He guides me through the day. Giving me the words to say when I feel flustered, which is almost daily.

Guilt had set in my heart over a friend I had distanced myself from. He was the only person I had guilt over, God used that guilt to let me know something was out of order. Giving me the courage to act on that guilt I’ve allowed this friend back into my life because they truly understand and accept my boundaries. I keep my heart and mind open to God’s direction. I don’t feel the need to close the gap between other friends. He guided me to this specific person on purpose. I don’t care to understand the reason. Sometimes yearning for understanding can choke out faith especially when God would rather have my faith than an intellectual mind. Accepting that I will only understand as much as God wants me to, there’s some peace and protection in the unknown.

For what good would it do to know certain things, would it change reality? Would it change the constant course life is on? Most of the time the answer is no. Please don’t be mistaken I’m not talking about understanding a medical issue or mental concern…though even in those realms understanding can be limited. I speak of the spiritual connection we share with this world and how it relates to our relationship with Christ. Not everything is meant to be understood but everything is meant to be surrendered. It is only in the space of humble surrender where faith lives wild and free.