herlucidlife

It’s been a couple weeks since I last wrote anything. Feeling a little rusty a lot has happened since the last post. No heaviness in my heart while writing these words, the last time I could have fallen to the floor and never gotten up. Gratitude, thankfulness and a huge miracle has come over my life. Not really sure what I’m yearning to say. Daily words written on a page for my own self reflection, nothing hitting the blog. Texting the guy I prayed over. Thinking about him through the day has not changed, what has changed is when he enters my mind I pray for him rather than obsessing. 

I release him to God not for my own benefit but for the benefit of this young man’s life. Being of service to other addicts, being available if they need a listening ear or someone to lean on…being outside myself pulls me deeper into appreciation of myself. I used to yearn for life to be centered around me, my wants and needs, yet that is not living but a slow death fueled by selfishness. True living is being a selfless servant to those around me whether known or not. I had an hour and half conversation with an addict who is also a believer. Never having spoken on the phone, it was our first conversation yet already this person felt closer than a friend but family. 

Identifying through the pain of addiction and the God given recovery we both chase daily. Understanding was a given though the details may not always match up. It’s a miracle when differences don’t have to stand in the way when God is creating moments between people. Not much money in my pocket yet God is allowing me to reach people from all over the world just by being myself. I don’t need a lot of resources to do God’s will. Budgeting to perfection, following the rules set by my trusted friend and financial advisor…things are changing. I like who I am today and I’m able to accept those things that are still needing fixing. 

Life is brighter. Smiling so much some days my cheeks hurt, just a couple months ago my face wouldn’t lift at all. Some days thinking my heart would give out from lack of laughter and joy. Yet when I got off the phone from my trusted buddy and fellow addict I couldn’t help but feel truly alive. It finally hit me that life is not lived through material possessions or if I succeed in my business…but it’s lived when I see others be comfortable in themselves. It’s lived when I’m of service and a trusted vault for others to store their emotions and cares. True living is seeing the light come back in someone else’s eyes because they were once dead and now they live. 

I live a dream today and though I could sit and think of all the things I still want and need, none of those things has stood in the way of God doing a good work in me for others.