herlucidlife

His hand in mine feels like home. His hug warrants the attention of my soul. His eyes burrow into my heart, making a home out of my inner being. I’ve been nervous to share exactly how I’m feeling about this person even though he knows exactly my emotions because I’ve told him. He doesn’t run away or look at me like I have three eyes instead he understands and shares my exact ideals. We are on the same page. I’ve seen absolutely no red flags, every action further adds to the number of greens. The way he speaks to me is gentle and friendly, touching me respectfully. We keep our desires at bay when together. We want to glorify God and allowing physicality to rage would be against what He wants. Thankfully, there will be a time when He says yes. 

His relationship with God is the most attractive quality about him. We could talk all day about the Word of God and still not touch all the characteristics of our Majestic Creator. I don’t just yearn for him physically yet emotionally and spiritually he fills every cup. A blessing from God, he is better than I imagined. Y’all gone get tired of me talking about this man, yet when you’ve fallen like I have it has to be talked about to the fullest. Be happy with and for me because it’s been years since I’ve felt like this. I almost fathom, I don’t believe I’ve ever felt this way because every person before was only wanted for physical attraction or what they had. 

I want nothing from him, our connection goes past physical.Talking for two months, dating for one, attached at the spirit we just held hands under the stormy sky…God met us there. Feeling a whirlwind of emotions, it feels like so much time has passed by because so much emotion has engulfed my body. You couldn’t have told me it hasn’t been three or four months, did time stand still? Moving at the speed of God’s hand, we listen to God’s direction on when to move and when to stand still. Life is lifing outside of finding a love that fills our souls allowing us a space to just be. 

Managing to keep God and recovery at the front of my life even when my mind would rather salivate over him. Every area of my life feels settled and well outside of my career. I pray for procrastination to pass because I can’t stay where I’m at much longer without experiencing a drowning feeling. I keep making excuses as to why I can’t work my business to the best of my ability. I may be lacking some things yet those will come in due time and shouldn’t keep me from stepping out on faith and completing the deed. I’m nervous about the level of consistency I can produce. Doing a little a day when it comes to recovery, creating a posting schedule for my blog, I need to apply the same process to working my business. 

God is giving a way out, patience and hard work will be needed. Giving so much to my current career path, I’m burnt out. Just maybe by dragging my feet I could be holding up someone else who’d be a better fit for the job. God is so good because He factors in my slowness. He factors in procrastination and stagnation, all of which work for the good of His plan. He knew I’d be walking slow, He knew I’d have days where all I do is lay in the bed and watch trash t.v. I once read that depression can be another attribute of rest. This is not for those that have been clinically diagnosed. I’m describing the low moments of everyday life that sometimes force rest in the most bizarre way. Something is brewing, this amount of rest may not be accessible months from now, so I enjoy the slowness now. God is creating a stirring in my spirit to get after it.