herlucidlife

The stress began to mount. Too many commitments on the table. The way life was lived before made it easy to fulfill all the meetings, service commitments, and leadership opportunities I had taken on. This way of life is a different season and it’s proving to need my undivided attention. Putting a pin in everything, I’m prioritizing what feeds my emotional state at the moment. Driving down the high, in my head not wanting to focus on my life. Talking to God, gratitude flowing through my heart because though I may not have everything I want right now, I absolutely have everything I need. A safe place to lay my head sleeping good every night, food to fill my belly as I drive past those who beg for just a little change.

A job that grants mental reprieve, physically taxing I’m blessed to not have to worry about money. Doing my best to monitor my spending, utilizing what I’ve learned through correct budgeting from my friend. Things are staking up nicely. Deep down I felt shut out like my being in Oklahoma wasn’t important to my boyfriend. I fixated on him because figuring out my own life has so much uncertainty, it’s more faith than logic at the moment. I know the next step yet I can’t complete it without fully cementing this step currently. I began questioning if I should be in Oklahoma, if this is where God wants me to be because I was only looking at the obstacles and what I didn’t have.

I was focused on not seeing my boyfriend as much as I wanted. I was concerned about not having a permanent residence. I was nervous about the figures not adding up in my mind, questioning if I made the right choice. Every single help that God has brought my way has opened the next door for me to be solid in this new place. Never homesick, not missing the streets I once called home, faith is saying this has to work. I can not and do not want to go back no matter the obstacles. Each road block has taught me to dig deep within myself, utilize the power of God within me and truly tap into what I want for myself…that’s when I know I’ve made the best choice even in fear.