herlucidlife

Had my hopes up all day when I knew deep down that God had changed the plans and there was nothing I could do but do what I could control. I prayed for a godly man, what I didn’t pray for is that God prepare me for this man. Instead God is preparing me in the midst of holding my blessings. Most days I feel ill equipped yet that doesn’t stop me from strapping on my boots and trecking through life with my faith held high. One day delivering orders, crying to God about the emotional toll of finances. God always understands the assignment excelling past what I need. He sent an angel, someone to be a blessing. God used my compassion, it put a one hundred dollar tip in my account. 

Sitting on the money till rent is due. I’m careful about my spending for the most part because Lord knows that’s another character defect I’d like expunged from the record. God’s restoring me to sanity by allowing the truth to sit on my chest. I can not ignore her. To do so would be negligent. I’m realizing the toxic ways my mind thinks. God is good because I do not act on those thoughts, instead I write and pray about them. Identifying the spiritual principle opposite of that toxic trait and doing what’s healthy instead. 

I need therapy, counseling, psychoanalyzing, whatever you want to call it…I needs it. Weekly. Hail! Twice a week honestly. God’s help manifesting itself through self-awareness, NA program, and angels. Every time I feel ugly when my boyfriend and I don’t hang out I ask God to remove those emotions. I ask Him to reveal the true nature; deep down it’s fear, loneliness, selfishness and insecurities creeping in. We see each other a lot more and absolutely nothing is wrong to my knowledge. He doesn’t even know it but God is using him to help me identify the defects that need my attention.