herlucidlife

Ain’t gonna lie, I wished some karma on him. Now I know that’s wrong and I ask God to heal the anger and repurpose it to compassion. It’ll take several moments before my mind stops bringing him up, before my heart is able to let go of what could’ve been. Healing begins when the fantasy is let go for reality. Wounds close up over time, eventually he will be an afterthought. I’ll no longer look for him in the streets or wonder if he’ll reach out. I go to sleep with peace in my heart because I know God holds my heart. I walk through the day gracefully because I do my best unto the Lord. 

How great it is to be loved and known by the Most High. I may not have been worth a text back but Jesus said I was and am worth His blood on the cross. God said I am expensive, bought with the priceless gift of Jesus’ life. MHM!!! Thank God! I have joy in the midst of breaking. I am calm in letting go. Serenity because I am no longer focused on the out of control things this world houses. This man derailed nothing. At almost nine months clean my mind is sharp, my heart is full and my soul is learning how to love myself. Though heartbreak stepped to my door unexpectedly, I am most grateful.  

Thankful. Excited. Can’t help but think that what happened is karma for letting years of friendship go through a text even a young man I dated got a text of my departure. I now know how it feels to be treated that way and if God allows I will do my best to never treat someone that way. Love is speaking the truth no matter how difficult. Honesty and sincerity are action words of love and when spoken they can allow someone to be set free…properly. Granting someone clarity is love. God has granted me the closure I needed through loving friends speaking the truth in gentleness. Sometimes closure isn’t possible with the specific person. I’ve learned that ghosting not only leaves confusion yet it shows a lack of responsibility to the relationship. 

It’ll take a moment for my anger to subside. I do pray over him because that’s how God releases the hurt. Truly only time and intentionality with God will be my remedy. Because though I am angry, Jesus died for him too.