herlucidlife

“Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” ‭‭Joshua‬ ‭1‬:‭8‬. In the slow moments of life, waiting in uber eats, a break at work. I open the bible app and let His words sink in. I write the word of God yet when it comes to speaking it constantly I struggle. I struggle with bringing Christ up to people yet have no problem raving about the latest food item from Whole Foods. God saves my life everyday yet the enthusiasm to share His greatness is lacking. 

Meditating on His word day and night. I take that literally as I need to be reading my bible every morning and night. I also see it as constant contact with God by memorizing scripture. I have no scripture memorized and struggle to read my bible once a day. Yet oddly I’ve felt closer to God in this season of my life than I have in a long time. I no longer just feel God in the good times but the low times too. God reminds me that scripture isn’t solely for bringing His presence yet for instruction. Behavior is taught. How I treat people, my work ethic, obedience and disobedience are all learned behaviors. 

God is teaching me how to unlearn a life I once knew when absent from Him. Bad habits die hard and new habits are difficult to maintain. In NA we always say keep coming back and eventually you’ll stick and stay.  Keep coming to God no matter what, no matter the sin, no matter the years gone by. Keep coming back and one day you’ll never leave Him again. I like that His word says “ be careful to do everything written in it.” God is letting me know thoughtfulness, intentionality, and caution are needed to obey His word. I’d love for obedience to Him to be second nature, my first thought …unfortunately it’s not. Awareness of my actions at all times is needed. It hit me last night that I had acted in my own will without even realizing it. 

I wasn’t aware, almost like walking through life asleep. Some days I go through life like a zombie, filling what I want but not being conscious of what God wants for me. It spooked me a little. God’s will isn’t limited to sharing His gospel but it’s every decision I make from wake to sleep and back again. Using my self-will on the small decisions is keeping my life in unmanageability. When I feel disconnected from myself I work the twelve steps and immediately I’m reminded of what God wants for me. I wish every individual worked the twelve steps. There’s something so healing. It’s not a quick process with almost nine months clean. I am only in the beginning of step three.

We all need recovery from something and to something. What in your life needs to be recovered?