herlucidlife

Let me tell y’all something…I don’t want no man in my life but the Lord. I will be taking serious applications in about a long while. I’ve never been more content to live my life fully unbothered. I’m so blessed, my biggest concern in life is whether my grocery bill will be under budget and it was! God is so good to me especially in the moment of necessary pain. Everyday I’m so thankful He removes and brings people into my life. People to pour into, folks to be used as instruments to change each other’s lives. It’s exciting in a terrifying way walking in the purpose of God. He gives me moments of confirmation to let me know I am on the correct path. 

I’m changing every single day. Growing, learning, doing my best to keep a mind that was once closed open. Moldable. The best thing I can be in my relationship with God is malleable. I can not be stiff necked and think our relationship is going to extend to new depths. My mind is soft because in the past it’s been so hard that I created my own prison. Life is relatively the same. I go to work, church, church events, NA meetings and home…it’s the people that make life different. It’s the difference in me that brings me out of my little bubble in the most comfortable way. It’s funny how when you’re ready change can be comforting. 

I always hear I’m made for more. While on break at work it hit me that no one knows what more looks like except God. The future only exists to God so it’s imaginary to us and the past is so fragmented by emotional eyes that it’s no longer an obtainable reality, but just another illusion. If God were to tell me that life would be no better than what it is today, I’d be content because He’s done so much. Granted I know He has more in store and I’m perfectly willing to do my part in the midst of waiting. Settling creates unnecessary tension in my life. It’s acting on my own self-will because impatience is in the driver’s seat. 

What I want and who I want in my life will take time to nurture. God is preparing me and He’s confirming that certain people were moved out of the way by His hands. God knows! I want A LOT! I’ve become comfortable with a certain way of mental and spiritual life that I do not want to entertain anything less than what I give myself. I need God to be the center of my next and Lord willing last relationship. I realized I felt safe in my last relationship not because of the guy but because I felt God there. I felt secure because Jesus and the bible were brought up and talked about regularly. Now that doesn’t mean Christ was in His heart yet for me just hearing God’s name is home. My mind is open and only holds expectations of goodness, even pain and nothing more. I will always receive what God has for me when I walk in His will.