herlucidlife

I looked my ex-boyfriend Z up on Instagram. When we were dating He said he had no social media and even exaggerated the sentiment. I found two profiles, one from twenty sixteen and the other from twenty twenty-two. Lies. A highlighted pink circle was around the profile picture signifying he’d posted a story in the last twenty-four hours. Texting some friends on my lunch break, the idea popped in my head to search. The word liar came across my mind because it hit me that I had no clue who I was dating. It almost seemed like he was playing a character for a movie role. I searched because I thought of the dream I had last night and how safe I felt with the person. Granted the person was not Z. 

I watched the story. He seemed okay and lively, thankfully. My heart hit my stomach and slid to the floor by my feet. Not because of upset but because I felt oddly freed from a level of heartbreak I’d been sitting in. I was excited to realize that I’d grown past the issue more than I thought. While also seeing, I did not like who and what I saw. He was no longer attractive to me. Continuing to move in the direction God has for me. Walking out of work feeling empowered and strengthened. I wanted to tell a friend but instead I spoke to God. When I feel like talking to a person, I talk to God instead. When I tell God what’s in my mind first I find that it’s eased and cared for better. 

It’s special to know that God is the first being I’m telling any and everything to, others are told after the fact. Clearly doing my best to move forward and enjoy life. I attended a Christmas party for the young adult bible study and it was so fun! I had a great time laughing and playing games. I’ve never played games so much in my life since childhood then I have living in my new home. Experiencing new people and having them become familiar, it’s funny how people become homey so quickly. As if I’ve known these people all my life. I walk into every door way more grateful than the last moment. No complaints, no worries, no changes need to be made, not even the pain. It’s all been worth it to have this level of gratefulness. Expensive enough to be here with God, my Abba. He’s special, He’s wonderful and awesome. Everything has been worth it to be here with Him now.