herlucidlife

Sometimes airing out wrongs can give empowerment to the truth teller. Owning what I’ve done is the best medicine to take the power of shame away. Speaking releases the hold silence binds together. I talk a lot about wanting a relationship because it’s the one area of my life that always seems to fall short. I said I don’t want “a” man but I do want “the” man. My profile got approved for a Christian online dating site. There’s a young man at my place of work that looks almost identical to my ex-boyfriend. I have a crush on him a little bit, it broke my heart to see the wedding ring and now I do my best to not look his way.

Something came over me in the darkness of night laying on my sofa watching “Bob & Margaret.” Impulsively I made an account that will allow me to look at profiles of single men in my area. I didn’t want to do it yet my fingers kept typing my information into the blank boxes. The other options I see in my immediate life are not appealing to me. Said I wasn’t taking applications but that doesn’t mean I’m not looking. I need to release, take away the power it holds on me. 

God has brought people for me to love on. I am a vessel and He works through me. I’m constantly concerned about doing God’s work. To the point that it creates a little anxiety. I need to know that I’m doing exactly what God has told me to do, souls depend on it. He shares confirmation that I am doing what He wants and I am being used. I understand that I can be more bold about verbally sharing the message of Christ. Though I struggle with some sins, it does not disqualify me to share the love of God. It’s because of my sin that I am the perfect person to share what God has done for me and the freedom He gives through salvation. Sanctifying me every single day, working things out of me. I’m excited for glorification when I can meet Abba. 

Until then I want others to be just as excited to meet Him too. His message promises freedom from sin and an abundant life. He promises a changed life as long as we continue to walk with Him. His will, to share the love of Christ with all people through action and words. Instantly deleted my dating profile. Money is always the goal, no app wants to help people find love, they want people to pay for the love. Love is hard enough to find without putting up my credit information too. Suppose that was God getting me off the internet. I accept.