herlucidlife

I can’t believe I’m a year clean. The reality has not sunk in. One year ago, sitting on my sofa in the house I grew up in Rockwall. Blowing trees like the habit could go out of style at any moment. Only concerned with getting high, never bothered with anything else. Mary Jane was my idol. I worshiped her more than God and was proud of it around certain people. My mind could not and did not want to fathom a life apart from her. Until she tried to kill me. Spiritually and emotionally dead and physically declining, what would life look like without her? How would I deal with emotions without my confidant? Who would take my cares away if not her?  What would I do with my day if I wasn’t entertaining her sinful aroma? 

A year ago I was scared to witness what life would look like without flowers and liquor. I couldn’t even relax without her. God is SO GOOD!  HE got me clean. HE is keeping me clean. Guarantee you this year was not of my making, He orchestrated the whole thing. I’m thankful I chose the right paths yet it was Him who gave the options. The one year glow in the dark key tag sitting on my dresser isn’t just mine but it’s Gods too. It’s ours. He showed me that I could go without drugs. That all I needed was His structure in my life. When I let go He showed up. He’s teaching me that it’s okay to let go. Let go of the expectations, let go of the unknown, let go of wanting control over every single thing. He wants to be trusted. 

This year taught me that God is so trustworthy. Not only did He keep me clean yet He put me in rooms with people I never thought possible. He changed my life so much that even six months after moving I still can’t believe my life today. God promised to give blessings pressed down and running over. He never disappoints. What I want for myself is mediocre compared to what God wants to give me. He did more in this year than I thought could ever happen. All it took was me surrendering, leaping into faith, and never looking back. 

When I leap into God, His way will work because it has too. He has proven more times than ever that His way always works. I keep leaping. Faith is not a one and done thing, it’s an every day every moment dialogue with God. Faith is the love language between God and I, the vehicle is obedience and the wind is His holiness, the blood of Jesus.