herlucidlife

April 19th present day emotions for a new flame…

I want to talk to him every moment of the day. I want to be all in his business. I want to know everything, understand his moods and behaviors. Call me a fly on the wall of his life, my personal observatory. I want to gaze in amazement. All the things I want yet I need to move slowly. I need to watch carefully my intentions so that I don’t self sabotage. I need to keep God first, keeping Him as my main focus. It is only through Him and with Him that I am able to be successful in every area of my life.  

The scariest thing is that I am enjoying myself. I’ve allowed trauma to take a toll on my psyche. It says, “don’t get your hopes up, he doesn’t really like you. It’s all gonna fall apart.” Truth is I don’t believe any of it. The evidence of reality is showing something very different. The difference in me is rather than relying on the guy, I’m relying on God to walk me through every experience. Obviously, it would be great to rely on this person yet even the most reliable people need grace to be human. So this time I’m putting all my chips on God. All my eggs are going into Christ’s basket. Regardless of the outcome, He is consistent and holds my heart closer than any man and I ever could. 

It would be in my best interest to keep my eyes stayed on God because it is Him who makes me I.