herlucidlife

April 12th was a little wonky…

We never made it to the second date. Deciding he didn’t like me as much as I liked him, it was the end of the dating saga. I always think the most is going to happen when in fact the least occurs. Texting everyday, telling friends about him, my face lit up like a lighting bug. I was naive. We went to Chilis after church. It was chill, he seemed nervous like I was. Seemed to have a great time. I even asked “did you have a great time?” He said “yes” with a chuckle. Immediately I asked if he would like to do this again, another little chuckle and he said “yes.” 

Texting the week after, nothing came to fruition. During this whole process I’ve surrendered to God. Asking God that His will be done, my exact prayer was, “close any door that doesn’t serve and open any door that does.” Anxiety to the point of stomach churning, I could not keep focused at work. God certainly closed a door. It hurt. Not answering my text like he used to, I asked about the date while at work. Reading Proverbs, yearning to get out of my head and into the solution. “Lean not on your own understanding,” the Lord said. It hit me that staying in my head only has my understanding. Though difficult, stepping out and asking one question granted me exactly what I needed for understanding. 

A paragraph sent explaining why he no longer wanted to date me. Gut punched? Heart sunk? Instantly lonely? All of the above happened at once. Crying in the bathroom at work, I stayed up stairs until it was time to leave. Going throughout my Friday evening. My dear friend helped shed some light and held my hand through the initial shock. THANK GOD for friends. 

The thing I miss the most is not what that person can do for me but simply the companionship they bring. I miss receiving text messages throughout the day. I miss knowing I could hang out with someone that was a little more than a friend. Thankfully God provides everything I need and He will provide that too. For now I thank Him for closing the door, He saw something I couldn’t. I wholeheartedly trust the door being closed. Though it hurt, I had a gut feeling the door was going to be closed. It’s okay.