herlucidlife

Moving through the day. My mind was not cooperating. The past several days at work have been mentally draining, my mind is somewhere else while my body is moving through a space and time that does not feed my soul. Working feeling purposeless, busy tasks just to get a check. If nothing else I’m blessed that my rent is paid. I could’ve cried at work just from the overwhelming sense of drowning. Talking to God on my ten minute break, I couldn’t understand why I’ve been feeling like this. Scraping myself out of the bed after a late night of writing. Doing my morning routine, sliding my key into the door feeling the lock click. Breeze on my flesh as my sweatpants rub against my skin. Cranking the car, five minutes until clock-in time. Walking into the sliding doors, the store bustled with customers and employees.  

Punching the clock several minutes late. Something that has been the norm the past week and a half. My face becomes longer and longer until there’s no smile, my manager asks me what’s going on. That’s the issue, I have no clue what’s happening inside because the external is serene. While the inside is like a tornado of emotions. Walking down the stairs to the pizza station, prepping, filling the bar with edible delights. Customers and employees alike rave about the pizza saying, “it’s the best the pizza has been in a long time.”  I love the compliments, though my mind is drowning. I do my best in everything. 

Something has to give. Sitting on FaceTime with someone sweet, listening to me vent about my low mood, he’s been reminding me that it’s time to step into what feeds my soul. Giving me gentle nudges to go for what I want, for what I need. I moved to Oklahoma to step out on faith, yet after the initial leap I got comfortable. It feels like I’m doing the same thing I did before just with different people around. This was not my goal when I came out here. I wanted to pursue my dreams, for some reason I got distracted and lost in the mundane work and home cycle. Punching in, punching out…I’m missing the purpose of it all. Sitting in church watching a young man from bible study get baptized at the age of thirty. God is saving souls. 

Perhaps I feel purposeless because I’ve put sharing God’s message and love in the back of my mind into this little box labeled forgotten. Pastor Bill reminded me that the mission field is everywhere I go and in everything I do because God has nestled His Spirit into my body. God has changed my life and is changing my life. Reading through Leviticus and Deuteronomy God says to not drink the blood when animals are slaughtered for eating because the blood is the life line but to pour the blood on the ground. Jesus was the only pure lamb to be sacrificed, taking on the sin of the world, He knew no sin. Jesus’ blood is the life line for every person who accepts the gift of His salvation. His blood poured on the ground for every soul that would touch this earth, symbolically intaking his blood through communion. His blood is the only blood that brings new life. 

He has given me and countless others a brand new life and new spirit. My purpose is to share His message and I’ve been neglecting my mission fields because my emotions are in the way. God is looking to save the whole world, so if you’re reading this then it’s not too late to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Begin a new life led by God, Him giving His Holy Spirit to replace the broken spirit inside. As long as you’re breathing it’s never too late to restart with God.  

“If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭10‬:‭9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans‬ ‭10‬:‭10‬-‭13‬ ‭NIV‬‬