herlucidlife

Breeze on my skin, sinking into the bench nestled in front of Whole Foods. Planted underneath the umbrella, watching customers hustle and bustle through the parking lot. Blue skies painted with puffy white clouds mimicking mounds of cotton balls. Talking to God, it’s amazing how He waits for me especially when I’m wrong. His patience is a characteristic that I could never live without. Speaking with Him, about life things I feel our relationship coming back from the hurt. It’s like talking to your loved one after a huge argument, things were done and said. An apology is necessary yet making the amends is the hard part. I’ve apologized to God so many times I’m sick of hearing my own apologies. 

 I do good for a moment until my skin begins to crawl for a distraction. Walking away from God because staying the course is excruciating at times. It’s like withdrawal from a former life, a former version of myself. God said all things are possible through Him. He also said that He has given us everything we need to live a life of godliness and holiness. Right when it gets hard I tap out, almost like I’m scared to truly let go and allow God to give me strength to push through. The other side is true freedom, it’s a deeper connection with God. I recently heard that the devil is not concerned with us going to church, listening to worship music or even reading the Bible…what he is most concerned about is our obedience. 

If the devil can stop obedience then the blessing and miracle are delayed. The goal is to stop the relationship and faith in the power of God. Sadness hits when I realize that I’ve been stunting my own relationship, no devil necessary. I have a huge fear of fully embracing freedom. I walked out of one prison door to find out that the prison was way bigger than I thought. God also said do not fear and be courageous. Repeatedly in Joshua all through the old testament God reminds the Israelites to remain courageous and deny fear. My giants are on the inside. The Israelites allowed their fear to drive them toward disobedience . The consequence was the first generation did not inherit the promised land.  

What have I given up in order to allow my fears to drive my life? What have I taken away from our relationship in order to feed temporary desires?